I. LOVE. HUMMINGBIRDS.  I have always had some kind of attraction to those beautiful little balls of energy who flit from place to place, their wings moving so fast you can barely see them.  I’m not even sure where it came from, other than I remember at a very young age calling dad’s mom “Hummingbird Grandma”.   When Doug and I were first married, we delivered newspapers in the wee hours of the morning and as we ran from house to house (we were VERY young), we called ourselves Bushman and Hummingbird.  So the nickname has stuck and everything from trivia names to user names have usually  included some form of the word hummingbird.

But living the life of a hummingbird was not so cool.  Let me explain.  I am married to a man who knew from the 5th grade that he wanted to be a band director.  His complete focus for the past 45+ years has been to be in band, go to college to become a band director and stay a band director.  Never a doubt, never a regret.  It’s what he loves – it’s his passion.

I on the other hand changed majors four times, attended four different colleges, dropping out once to work, and that was just undergrad.  In addition I have attended four different graduate schools and have yet to finish a degree, although I’m pretty sure I have enough credits to start a PhD at least.  It took me until I was 30 before I had the undergrad degree and by that time I had three kids and had been married for 10 years.  I have worked as an administrative assistant, in the trust department of a bank, as a church secretary, worship leader, t-shirt screen printer, donut maker, burger flipper, I’ve sold insurance, started my own temp business and been a substitute teacher.

Even after I finished my degree I taught in both public and parochial schools, K-8 general music, 5-12 choir, beginning band and marching band.  The only thing I never did was strings.  And you don’t want me to.  Just when I think I have something figured out, I get an itch to do something different.  I read about something new, or hear someone speak and it gets me inspired to do something new. I have difficulty staying in one place because I always want to see what else can happen or what’s next.

This is a problem because everything I’ve read says you must find your passion.  That ONE thing that gets you up in the morning, the thing that makes you lose track of time because you’re so focused on it.  I have NEVER had that feeling for any length of time.  Sure there are high points or mountain top experiences on occasion, but nothing that would get me up at 5:30 on a cold morning to do marching band like my husband does.  Every day.

So I read books, I watched TED talks, I took classes, all in the hopes that one day everything would click and I would find that ONE passion that would set me on my way.  But it never came.  I felt like a failure.  Would I always be settling for just doing something because I needed a job and hopefully retirement in the future?  And the older I got the more depressed I became.  What if this was it?  More and more I was hanging with marvelous, inspiring people who had that one passion, that one focus that guided their life to the point where they had reached the pinnacle in their profession.  They had the degrees, the prestige, the respect and they had earned it.  One day at a time, focused on that passion.  What was wrong with me?

And then I happened upon a talk by Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of Eat, Pray, Love.  I loved her book but again, it was about following her passion – writing.  She was one of those who talked about focus and diligence and working hard to find her passion.  And then someone talked to her about how they felt like a failure because no matter what they did, they couldn’t find their passion.  That was me!  Elizabeth took that and started observing friends who were successful and passionate, but had their hands in everything.  A little something here, and little something there.  Always searching, always curious, always learning.  Which lead to passion for whatever they were doing at the time.  She referred to them as hummingbirds, flitting from flower to flower, taking a little bit of sweetness from each.  Not everyone was a focused jackhammer, some people were hummingbirds.

In looking back on my life, I have such a variety of experiences that I can pull from many different things when problem solving, looking at something from a different point of view or just thinking in general.  I am not a failure, I am exactly who I was meant to me and it has gotten me to where I am – experiencing great adventures with great people and the adventures seem to just keep coming.   I’ve accepted being that hummingbird and I’m excited to see where my wings take me next.