Bright and early this morning, our Nebraska group and friends from another state were up and on the Metro to head to the Capitol for Hill Day.  Seeing as it was the morning rush, it was pretty full, so I made the choice to stand.  You should understand, that most of the time when I do this type of conference/assembly, I am with mostly men.  These men are my colleagues, mentors and friends and we know each other well.  So it’s very comfortable being with them and I never feel as though they look down on me as a woman or leave me out of things.  However, these guys are also the epitome of the “old-fashioned” perfect gentlemen.  They open doors for me, get or pull out chairs for me, allow me to go first, etc.  So it was apparently difficult for them to see me standing.  One was scanning the car for an empty seat.  There was one farther away from the group, but I wanted to hang with them so I said no.  Several offered to give me their seat, but they were there first, so that didn’t seem to make any sense to me and I was just fine standing.  Even a gentleman I didn’t know checked with me to see if I wanted his seat.  Eventually a closer seat opened up and it was brought to my attention by my friend and I sat down.

I consider myself to be a feminist.  I believe in equality in terms of jobs and pay.  I believe a woman has a right to choose what she wants to do with her life, whether its to have a career or be a stay at home mom.  After all, that’s what women fought for in the 70’s, right?  I really HATE when some man patronizes me like I’m some little mindless woman.  And it happens.  I believe women, including myself of course, can do anything we set our minds to.

But here is where some feminists might disagree with me.  I LIKE that these gentlemen treat me like a lady.  It’s not that I can’t open my own door or find my own chair.  These guys show kindness and I am grateful for it.  But does that mean I’m not really a feminist?

The night before Hill Day, we attended an orientation to get us prepped.  It was a man addressing us, very articulate and well informed.  He was able to give us information and run through logistics with us in what I thought was a very professional but friendly manner. After it was over, I ran into a fellow colleague from another state (a woman), and she indignantly shared, “did you hear him?  He called us all “you guys” 55 times during his talk”.  I didn’t even notice and I certainly didn’t count.   (I might count “ums” or “like”) And maybe he’s from the midwest where “you guys” seems to be the thing to say – like “all ya’ll in the south.  Have we as women gotten too sensitive about these little details, or are these things that need to change?  Are we focusing too much on minutia and not enough on real issues?  For instance, we visited a particular Senator today and outside her office was a group of pictures of all the Senators who had served from her district.  She was the first and only woman.  On our state music education association board, I was only the third woman to be elected president in it’s now 80 year history. THIS is the kind of thing we need to be making a noise about, not whether someone includes me in “you guys”.

I honestly believe that feminism should be defined by women, but sometimes women are our own harshest critics.  Wasn’t the movement created so that women could be and do ANYTHING they wanted?  Why does my personal view of feminism have to be the same as another woman?  Ladies, let’s face it.  Men can get overwhelmed easily by us anyway.  If a man is showing us kindness in his way, why not just say thank you and get over it?  And maybe next time, we can open the door for him.