Solitude.  I used to HATE solitude.  I usually felt alone and lonely, especially when I was younger.  If I wasn’t doing something with someone all the time I didn’t know what to do with myself.  I still have some difficulty with that even now – the part about doing something all the time, at least.  But in the last couple of years, I’ve learned to appreciate the time alone.  I’m learning that it takes practice to get better at solitude.

This week has been a lesson in seeking solitude. From the time I go down to join my colleagues for breakfast until the time I go to my room for the evening, except for one or two very short breaks, I am with people.  Hundreds of people.  Networking, brainstorming, discussing, debating, thinking.  I really love it.  It energizes me, gets me excited to try new things, inspires me.  It also drains me.  I began to realize, especially in my teaching, that if I didn’t spend some time by myself during the day, I was more tired, grumpy and lacked patience.  So, one of the things I started to do was have lunch in my room by myself. Now, when you’re working in a school, especially with friends, I know it looks really anti-social not to go hang out with the colleagues in the teacher’s lounge.  But the truth is, I needed that time, that quiet, that solitude to recharge my batteries. I’ve also let my colleagues know that it’s not them.  It’s me : )

Traveling with colleagues is also interesting.  I LOVE doing it, but too much of a good thing is not good for me.  So I started carving out time for myself to be alone during trips when I could.  I think my friends understand now that I don’t just want to get away from them; I NEED to be alone once in a while.

In my day job, I spend hours with lots of kids.  And it’s not just during school hours.  In my case, there is a before and after school care and where do they hang out?  In the halls and rooms beside mine.  So, hanging out to work, even if I’m alone in the room is never really solitude.  Too much noise!  And I’m a music teacher – you would think I’m used to noise!  So one of the first things I’ve learned to do is to appreciate the quiet.  I’m talking about the kind of quiet where the silence fills your ears.  Does that make sense?  I remember laying on the floor of a new place when we were first moving in.  Everyone was gone, going on a second trip to get more stuff and it was just me and the room.  Just silence.  It was wonderful.  Now I make a conscious effort to create silence for myself for periods of time.  I don’t always play music in my car.  I go to school to work on the weekends and work in silence.  It clears my head and allows me to think and create.

Several years ago, I took the Gallup Strengths Finder.  My top five themes were Deliberative, Learner, Ideation, Individualization and Input.  That basically means that I like to do a lot of thinking and learning.  And I used to think that meant that I would need to do those things all the time.  But a very kind person, Curt Liesveld, took time to meet with me one afternoon to look at my results. What he told me changed how I look at myself.  He told me that because of my strengths,  I needed to carve out time to be by myself and just think.  Daily.  Difficult to do.  In a way, that’s what this blog does for me.  Only I get to share my thoughts with others – in solitude.