This isn’t at all what I planned to write about today, but I came upon an interview this morning with William Paul Young, the author of “The Shack”, and it brought to mind the opportunity I had several years ago to hear him speak in person.  For me it was a traumatic experience.  As he shared his story of growing up, it felt as though he had lived my life, as though he felt the shame, sadness and never being quite enough to be loved unconditionally I had always felt.  I had never had the experience of wanting to literally run from somewhere before but it was all I could do to say seated in the auditorium.  When I finally was able to leave, I shook and sobbed as years of memories came back in waves and depression really set in.  But as awful as that experience was, that exposure to others, the slow, painful dropping of the control facade opened up for me a slow pathway to healing that I’m still following.  Pretending that everything is just fine and being a control freak can only last so long.  Control is a myth and as unpleasant as it can be to let go of it, the healing and growing cannot begin until you do.  To quote Mr. Young, “exposure is the gift that opens up the pathway to healing”.

I use this as an example because exposure is personally painful, embarrassing and certainly eye opening.  And that has certainly been the case in terms of politics, the media and our nation as a whole. Another point made today by Mr. Young was that politics in our country today has not created uncivility but has exposed the brokenness of this nation.  Uncivility is just a by-product.  We’ve been headed down this path of unkindness, name calling and intolerance for a long time, but we’ve been exposed as a nation I believe, because of who we’ve elected to office.  I say we as a nation and not as a personal attack, and I’m not just talking about the President. This is nothing new.  We’ve allowed uncivility to happen in the school yard, in the workplace, in our government, on our airwaves, in relationships, and in the church.  It’s easier to categorize people and call them derogatory names in the media, social and otherwise because we do it daily in our homes, behind closed doors and behind computer screens.  It used to be that as long as we were in control  in front of others, it didn’t matter what we really felt and we could say what we wanted with like-minded people.  But as bad as that was, even that has evolved as now we’re actually allowing groups of people to say anything they want with no thought of responsibility in the name of free speech.  The freedom of speech was never intended to be without responsibility or consequences.  If it is, then hate and uncivility reign.  We are imperfect human beings after all, and just like children, if allowed to behave or speak in a certain way, it is seen as acceptable and it continues and very difficult if not impossible to change.  I want to make it clear that I believe a lot of the issues being talked about are immensely important, it’s HOW we’re talking about them and the lack of civil dialogue that has been exposed.

So, if this theory is true, that we’ve been exposed as a nation of uncivility, how do we then begin the process of healing?  Instead of being just the painful, embarrassing situation it is, could it actually be a blessing in disguise?  Here’s my two cents about the issue.  First we have to acknowledge what we’ve been exposed.  Keeping things to ourselves or continuing to hide our head in the sand is a BAD thing.  Not being afraid to talk about things to others and keeping the lines of communication open is good for everyone.  Secondly, it’s going to be HARD!  Everyone has developed a belief system or philosophy of life based on their experiences and perceptions and opening up to new ideas in not easy.  People don’t just believe things, they have reasons why they believe things and they’ve lived them.  Things that they’ve been exposed to by family, church, community or society that have led them to decide what they believe as truth.  It’s a many layered issue and one that’s not going to be changed by pigeonholing people and calling them names or trying to shove a particular philosophy down their throat because it’s right or more progressive.  Again, developing relationships with all people so that we can learn about those layers is the only way we can develop constructive conversations to make change for the good of all.

In our instant gratification world, are we willing or even able to work for years or even decades to make things more civil?  Are we willing to step out of our comfort zone, admit to others that there’s a problem and begin to solve it together?  Are we willing to admit it’s not all about me and what I believe but what’s best for us as human beings?  These are questions I certainly can’t answer for anyone but me.  I know my process has begun and that it’s never too late to teach an old dog new tricks!  My hope is that it’s not too late for our next generation to learn some new tricks as well.