A few weeks ago a small group of us decided to go to a movie together.  There were four choices; one we had already seen, two were not worth seeing and the fourth…well, it was Wonder Woman.  Heavy sigh. When I was younger, I was a comic book fan and loved reading about these female superheroes who were beautiful and could fight right alongside any man.  Well, that’s all well and good if you’re a beautiful 5’10”, flowing hair, model type Amazon, but not so much if you’re 5’4″ and perceived as “cute” or “perky”. Being taken seriously is a struggle to say the least. You’re a good “side-kick” but never the strong heroine.

I did discover that some of my attributes can be used to my advantage.  You see, it’s wonderful to be underestimated in a way because you can surprise people.  You challenge people’s perceptions of what an empowered woman is.  Like for instance, when you and a friend walk up to a couple of guys playing foosball and you ask if you can play.  They look at you like you’re easy pickings until you beat them.  I always loved that half surprised/half admiration look on their faces.  It’s always been a thing for me to at the very least, inwardly challenge men in my life.  I wanted to be a better marcher in band, a better researcher, a better game player, a better leader.  And quite honestly, I found that more men thought like me than women.  I loved (and still do) getting one on one or in small groups and talking shop, where we could challenge each other intellectually.

As I’ve been able to work with more leaders in my field, I’ve discovered that there are more women like me who feel empowered to speak their minds when joining in on the “good old boys” clubs.  I’m fortunate that in my profession, most men are open to women leaders, but there are still some who feel like they have to literally pat us on the heads and tell us how things really are, even in this day and age.  I feel a “sisterhood” with these women who have worked hard, have achieved all they have, and have remained themselves, despite obstacles.  What I don’t understand is how I’ve witnessed women undermining other women in their search for empowerment.

So, what is empowerment?  It is not necessarily running around in a skimpy costume beating up all the bad guys, but if can be if that is the woman’s choice.  You see, empowerment comes from within and it comes in many forms and for many reasons, depending on where you live, what your background is and a multitude of other factors.  It’s personal. Having a voice at the music education table for me is empowerment.  Choosing to be myself in whatever situation I find myself in is empowerment.  Choosing what I believe in and voting that way is empowerment.  But unfortunately, the hardest group of people to deal with in terms of working to become empowered can be other women.  Sometimes, women can be the worst when it comes to allowing other women to think for themselves and follow their own hearts.  Real female empowerment is free from judgement from others – ALL others.  Empowerment means following your own heart, making your own decisions and encouraging other women to follow their hearts, no matter what that may be.  Wouldn’t it be wonderful if the agenda was strictly “Empowering Women to Be, Do and Think the Way They Want” and then we could all support that instead of chopping the cause up into little personal agendas that cause us to fight and argue with one another?

Over the last several years, I’ve decided that part of my job as a teacher is to empower children to become themselves and own it, but especially the girls.  Whenever I would have a little girl come to me, upset because someone said or did something to them, I would ask them if they told the person what they thought and most times they had not.  The best example of this was a little girl who was being picked on by a boy in her class.  She came up to me in tears and I asked her, do you like it when he picks on you?  She of course responded no.  I then asked, did you tell him that?  Again, she said no.  So, I told her that nobody should accept being bothered by something someone says or does without telling them and that she had the right to do it.  You should have seen that little girl march right up to him, look him right in the eye and tell him she didn’t like it, and she demanded an apology.  His big eyes told me he didn’t know what hit him and he did apologize.  And he didn’t bother her again.  I wish I could describe how proud she looked when she realized that SHE had made the decision and she had changed the direction of that relationship.  That’s empowerment.

It is SO important to teach all kids, but I think, especially girls that they can be themselves, whether they’re beautiful and statuesque or cute and perky that they can decide for themselves what they want their lives to be.  So whether they want to wear the costume to get the bad guys, or a business suit to make deals, or yoga pants while they pick up their kids from school, they too can be empowered to be all they envision themselves to be.  Many thanks to all of the strong women who have helped me along my own personal journey.