With apologies to my wonderful husband, I have to be honest and share something new I experienced today.  Something I didn’t expect to happen.  I met someone new, someone younger, and it was love at first sight.  He’s a stocky little blond with a ton of energy, very athletic and highly intelligent.  And angry.  So very angry.  Which made me love him all the more, because he needs to be loved.

By nature, I’m a “fixer”.  I see something or someone that I feel can be “fixed” and I want to do something to make things better.  It’s why those kids at school who have had a rough time turn into my “projects” because I want to do all I can to help them be and feel better. Today I met my son’s current foster child and I truly did not expect to immediately fall for him.  With his chubby little arms wrapped around my son’s neck and those cute little dimples when I got him to smile at me, it was love at first sight.

In the short time we got to interact with him we saw a myriad of emotions from this child.  Laughter when he got to go fast in the stroller, screams of excitement when we went through the little train tunnel, anger when he thought we were laughing AT him and not because he was just fun to watch.  Hitting, kicking, spitting and name calling when all of a sudden he didn’t like something.  Then in the next second, yelling my name “Judy, watch me!” as he came down the slide.  He’s constantly challenging you to see if you’ll do what you say, whether it’s through exhibiting good behavior or not so good.

Yes, I saw some of the issues this child has today and I’m sure there are many more I don’t know about.  It’s hard to get to know a child in a few hours.  If I were a young adult considering fostering to adopt, it would be hard to look past the tough times and he is quite the challenge.  I admit that I took a long nap when we returned home today!  But as someone who is more experienced and someone who has worked with all kinds of kids for a long time, all I could see was potential and a little boy who needs someone to prove that they love him.  Probably over and over and over again for many years to come.

This experience helps me remember that I have kids every day who need this same reassurance.  They need an adult that they can rely on to be loving, firm but kind and who expects nothing but the best from them.  It means I need to be really patient with and supportive of those parents who have to deal with this child’s behavior on a daily basis.  It means that I need to take the time to thank those paraeducators who work with these children on a one to one basis, seeing the best and worst of them. and I need to support those classroom teachers who keep on teaching, even when that child tries to disrupt everyone’s learning.

For years now, I’ve noticed that a lot of my most difficult kids flock to choir and let me tell you, it can be a challenge.  It challenges my patience especially because as someone who wants to help create a quality performance with my students, I sometimes have to let go some of those perfectionist tendencies and just cherish those moments when those kids make progress.  It’s those same kids who leave me notes or draw pictures for me with a big “I love you” or “I love music” that shows me it’s worth the patience.  A lot of those kids thrive in music when they struggle in other academic areas and I make sure that their teachers, parents and administration know this.

My prayer for this child is this; that someone, whether it’s my son and daughter-in-law or someone else, provides a loving stable home for him.  That he goes to school some day with caring teachers who see that same potential and work on his strengths and not focus entirely on his deficits.  And I pray for a music teacher who will help him to feel a part of something that is greater than him, something that helps him become a whole, well-rounded person and gives him connections to others who love him for who he is.