For many years I’ve joked about the fact that parenting should come with a manual.  I’ve also apologized to my oldest son many times for experimenting on him so that we might get it right (or at least closer to right) with his younger brothers.  But after having raised them and having worked with elementary students for many years, I finally think I have a clue as to how to take care of them and then, oh well,  I’m done.

By the age of 43, I had made my mother a grandmother.  I am now quite a bit older than that and have yet to be a grandmother, but quite frankly I have never been in a hurry to be one.  Besides, it’s not my decision anyway.  But now that one of my sons and his wife are fostering to adopt, there stands a chance that I could become a grandparent in the near future.  Instant grandparent.  And again, there is no manual.

In terms of having kids myself, none of my sons’ births matched the beautiful, bonding, TV commercial I always hoped they would be.  My first was an emergency C-section and being as it was the dark ages, they knocked me out.  I left the hospital a week later.  The other two were premature and spent 6 and 7 weeks in the hospital so I didn’t get to have those “in the hospital room” pics with the family or take them home with me when I was discharged.  I suppose a lot of people don’t have the fairy tale birth experience, but as I see it now, I think it was preparing me to be an adoptive grandmother.  There will be no going to the hospital to meet the new grandchild after waiting for nine months.  This will be a unique experience for our family, just as the births of my sons were.

The weirdest part of this is that we get to meet the prospective grandchild and get to know him/her beforehand.  So much of the decision as to where the child will go is in the hands of the courts and the biological parents.  So while everyone waits, we can all get attached to this child who might possibly become part of the family.  I can’t even imagine how my kids are handling this.  It’s one thing to plan a pregnancy and then have time to get used to the idea, but it’s another to look at the child day in and day out and then have to decide if the best place for this child is in your family or not have a say and the child  is given back to their biological parent(s).

I’ve decided I’m going to be an awful grandparent by the way.  Chances are any adopted child is going to have a rough background.  I already want to give this child everything they’ve never had before.  I want to show them experiences they’ve never had.  I want to hug on this child until he/she feels more love than they’ve ever felt.  I’ll be totally obnoxious!   Don’t get me wrong, I loved my boys, but lack of finances and/or time sometimes kept me from doing some of these things for my boys.  And honestly, I think I sometimes I forgot to just relax and enjoy them.  The other concern for me is that I don’t want to step on toes.  Mom and Dad are and should be the the ultimate authority.  I remember my parents overstepping quite a bit and I want to make sure I don’t do that.  Again, no manual.

But now, the most serious discussion of all (tongue-in-cheek) – what does this child call us?  Do we choose, or, since the child will actually be able to verbalize what he/she calls us, do we just leave it up to them?  I am definitely not a “granny” and I’m not so sure about “Grandma”.  I have a friend whose grandchildren call him the name of a Norse god.  I wonder if I could get mine to call me Aphrodite or something?  Ok, maybe not. So, I went on line to see what my options were and I was overwhelmed by the number of names grandparents can go by.  It might just be easier let the kid decide.

Assuming that I can have some say in what this child calls me, I have decided on a couple of names, but Doug is not too crazy about them – yet.  I think we should be Lolly and Pop.  Easy for the child to remember, fun and different.  Not sure I’m going to be able to talk him into it, but I still think it’s better than gramps.  In the meantime, we wait, and however and whenever God leads my kids is when we’ll meet our first grandchild.