Just finished yet another virtual meeting.  Unlike a lot of virtual meetings I’ve attended, this one was relatively small and had no annoying issues, like dogs barking in the background or feedback or echoing…. you get get the point.  It was organized and ran on time. I could see everyone’s faces as they spoke, so as the newbie in this meeting, putting names to faces was pretty easy.  I could also see my own face which to me is always distracting.  Did I get something on my face during dinner?  Does my hair really look like that?  It can be scary.

The very term “virtual” meeting leaves a lot of unanswered questions for me.  One definition of “virtual” from the Merriam Webster Dictionary is “very close to being something without actually being it”.  Don’t you love that?  So, was it very close to being a meeting, without actually being it, and if so, were we really there?  I just need to know.

You know, we tend to allow ourselves to live in virtual worlds all the time.  I mean, seriously, let’s talk Game of Thrones.  I for one have never seen any of it, but you would think that those of my friends who have seen it are actually a part of this make-believe to the point where it affects them emotionally.  Some would say this is a sign of a good program. This is a virtual kingdom where apparently really weird things happen, because that’s what you can do with something that is “virtual”.  We can create whole virtual worlds with virtual people and people can get caught up in them completely.  I once attended a funeral where a bunch of gamers attended who had never actually met physically until the funeral, but had known each other through their games only.  Sitting by themselves, in their homes, getting to know other people only through a computer. Including the person who had passed away.  So sad.

Social media is like that too.  I can’t tell you how many people I feel like I “know” because I have read all about their lives (or at least the parts they want to share with everyone) on Facebook.  It’s ridiculous.  People who are friends in real life who I haven’t seen physically in 30+ years, seem closer than they are through the virtual world of social media.  And what’s great about social media is that I can create any persona I want.  I suppose it’s a lot like gaming that way.  I can be happy, adventurous, philosophical, whatever and that’s how others will perceive me.  It’s a lot safer than meeting with people face to face, isn’t it, or easier than taking the time to go see someone you haven’t seen for awhile.  So a lot of us share this relatively shallow existence with each other virtually and it seems to work for us.

But we don’t have to sit by ourselves in a dark room with a computer to ditch reality for virtual.  One of the saddest things I ever saw was watching a little girl at a beautiful fireworks show NEVER look at the fireworks themselves, but only see them through the lens of a camera on a phone.  I see websites that promise educators videos or virtual tours of places for kids to “experience new worlds”, but are they really experiencing them, or, since it’s virtual, “very close to being something without actually being it”, are they really experiencing anything at all?  Some say it’s better than nothing, but I’m concerned that virtual sometimes allows us to settle.  We justify virtual by saying it’s easier or less expensive.  Depends on your idea of expensive.  Some experiences are priceless.  In that case, virtual is more expensive, isn’t it?

Virtual robs us of being able to use all of our senses to experience something, no matter what it is, whether it’s the beauty and excitement of fireworks or feeling the hug given by a friend you haven’t seen in a long time.  Virtual takes the humanness and connection out of life.  Something like having a virtual choir is really cool to get a lot of kids involved in a project, but are they really getting the essence of what participating in a choir is all about?  It’s not just about “singing together”.  Shoot, I can do that watching a YouTube video.  It’s also getting to know those people around you, to feel what it’s like to stand on a stage with them, to feel the joy as the sound you are creating together touches others.  It’s a little more than just being “cool”.

I say this all as I too get swept up into the wave of all things virtual.  I had to make myself not look at everything through my phone on vacation, but instead try to experience it myself and hold on to those memories in my brain and in my heart, rather than just in my phone.  It’s hard.  But it’s not real.  Real is only what we experience.  Just like meeting in person is more real than meeting on line, where I can shake someone’s hand in initial greeting, give someone a hug or even have a side conversation about an idea that is sparked by the larger conversation.

Yep, virtual is okay for the occasional meeting, but I think I would rather keep working on becoming more real.