I’m not a huge Monty Python fan, but thanks to a husband and three sons who are ENORMOUS fans, I’ve seen my fair share of their skits.  And tonight as I was relaxing for the first time in about 14 hours, I felt a little like the man in the skit who just stands there, taking the fish slapping.  Until he obviously snaps and smacks the other man with a much larger fish.  The beginning of school is always new and exciting, but we’re finishing up on week three here, and the fish slapping has officially begun.  Life is happening to me again rather than me making life happen.

I know you’re feeling it, teachers.  All the plans you had for this year about classroom management, all the wonderful activities you were going to do for your students and they were just going to follow every direction right away and exactly, right?  Oh, you poor, naive little person.  It really is like childbirth isn’t it?  You forget what it’s like once some time passes.  You forget about little Johnny who looks at you as though you’re speaking a foreign language and speaks to you in grunts and groans while he refuses to move from the place he’s been standing since he walked in your room.  You forget about little Suzie who loudly tells everyone else what to do, (she only has one volume level and that’s ‘make your ears bleed’ loud), tattles on everyone and then stomps and yells if anyone says anything remotely negative to her.  But there they are again, at least one or two in each and every class, and if you’re really lucky, the entire class personality is one that makes you question your sanity for coming back.

Being a specialist in an elementary school is really the fine art of assembly line teaching and flexibility.  Every day I teach 5th, 3rd, 2nd, Kindergarten, 1st and 4th, in that order.  I teach different concepts with different activities and assessments, most that which I create, to about 125 little bodies who come walking across the threshold of my classroom door every day whether I want them to or not.  They come in with eager smiles and I think, aren’t they cute?  Great kids!  And 15 minutes later, you’re giving the same direction for the 5th time, only slower and softer each time, hoping for some kind of impact.  Quiet actually scares them more than loud.  One class walks out and a very few minutes later, another walks in.  Instruments and resources must be set and ready to go for each class that walks in, so there goes your time to run to the bathroom.  But that’s okay.  I haven’t had any time to drink anything, so, usually no big deal : )  I can make one can of diet coke last a whole day and sometimes have some left over.  I’m not kidding.

I literally begin the minute I walk in the building with preparation, meetings, checking mail, etc. and once the classes begin I do not stop for the next 7 1/2 hours.  Lunch duty has been a source of both entertainment and frustration and the decibel level seems to rise daily.  Kids can’t seem to just talk in “table voices” at the table anymore.  And their behavior at the table is ridiculous; my usual routine as I walk through the lunchroom goes something like this:  “How’s your day going?  Put your knees down please.  Sit on your pockets please.  You need to wipe your mouth please.  Please take human bites.  Don’t touch his food.  Stop the milk chugging game.  Yes, you have to sit there.  Stop mixing all your food together.  Yes, you have to eat that now. You haven’t eaten anything – you’ll be hungry this afternoon.  Use your fork/spoon please, not your fingers, don’t put your face in your tray like a dog.”  I haven’t made any of this up, by the way.  And after witnessing all of this lunchtime debauchery, I then get to go sit in my room and inhale my lunch so I can be ready for my next class.

My to-do list has exploded, with every thing I cross off being replaced by five more.  When I finally leave school, today almost two hours after I could have left, I dashed home, changed clothes and went to a PTO fundraiser at a local restaurant to be with – yes you guessed it – those same kids I had to watch during lunch.  Only this time, I was not the parent, I was not the teacher and as I observed, I could see why some of these kids behaved the way they do at school.  Hmmmm. Off to the grocery store and then finally home @8:30 so I could sit for a few minutes to write this and relax.  Although I’m not sure it has worked because I’m now bummed reading about how life is slapping me in the face.  Is it a matter of attitude on my part?  Do I just not believe that I’m in charge of my destiny?  Is this what I’ve chosen and is this what I’m stuck with?  All I know is that it’s 9:30, I need to end this writing so I can throw some dishes in the dishwasher, get some clothes out of the dryer and put them away and get out clothes to wear tomorrow.  All in the hopes of hopping into bed relatively soon so I can get up and endure the fish slapping scenario all over again.  With the same wonderful people who will also get up in the morning to do the same thing.  All in the hopes that through this insanity, we will all find a way to make a difference in the lives of these kids.  And maybe, just maybe, one day one of them will tell their kids, “get your knees down at the table”.  There’s always hope.