There’s something about being in a car that must make people think nobody can see what they’re doing.  Which leads to this story which is almost too weird, even for me.  I’m sitting in my car at a red light and a couple in a little white truck stops behind me.  The man behind the wheel, who I perceive to be in his mid to late twenties is driving with his wife or girlfriend sitting on the passenger side.  He is very diligently picking his nose.  While that in itself is not unusual – you see people do that all the time in their car – what he does next is.  Again, obviously thinking that nobody can see him,  I see him try to wipe it on the significant other.  Seriously.  He obviously thinks it is funny, she obviously does not.  The light changes and as we start to go forward, I glance in the rear view mirror and she is still letting him have it, which continues as we go around the corner, and yet still as they pass me.  In the right lane.  Which is a big deal to me if you read my last blog.

Anyway, what kind of behavior is that for a grown man?  You know, ever since scientists came out and said that men develop slower than women and don’t mature until about 25, it seems it’s given some men permission to continue behaving like middle schoolers until then.  Or later. Now, before some of you start calling me a man hater, I should let you know that I’m married to a wonderful gentleman (in every sense of the word) and raised three great boys and have many wonderful male friends.  But for whatever reason, when a group of men are together (which sometimes includes my boys), and they think they can get away with it, they will revel in doing something socially unacceptable just like all the other “good old boys”.  Like burping REALLY loudly at the table after having a beer or purposefully allowing flatulence to happen outside of the bathroom in public.  Or, like I saw last weekend, getting really drunk in public before a football game and seeing how loud and obnoxious they can get.  With their children sitting at the table with them. Or is this behavior now acceptable?

So where are the women in these scenarios?  Sometimes sitting with them.  Sometimes participating, sometimes tolerating the behavior as though they don’t have a choice.  And like the loud men I heard last weekend, what are they teaching their boys?  I’m not saying we can’t have fun anymore, but when did fun involve bad behavior, bad language and disregard for other people?  And why aren’t more women helping to put a stop to this?

Don’t get me wrong, I know it’s hard to fight the “good old boys club”.  Saying something can get a person ridiculed, embarrassed, or harassed.  But look what not saying anything has done.  Regardless of your political leanings, and I’m NOT going there, I’m just saying, look at the rude and crude behavior of men in charge right now.  People can see it, hear it and experience it and yet we continue to tolerate it.  And these men BRAG about it. Just like the woman in the truck, sure she was giving it to him then, but I can’t believe this was the first time he tried something like that.  Why was she still putting up with him?  As women, have we just accepted that “boys will be boys”?

For some reason, this behavior makes some women think this gives them permission to behave in the same way.  If you want to be a part of the good boys club, you must behave like one of the good old boys. And, a lot of us can if we feel the need, or if for nothing else, shock value. But behaving in an inappropriate way just to be included condones that behavior.  And if one behavior is okay, then maybe we can take it up a notch and THAT will be okay as well.

I have to admit that I too am guilty of tolerating certain behaviors because they’re men or boys.  I don’t like it, I think it’s obnoxious, but it can be intimidating to tell a man in a meeting that his behavior or words are unacceptable, especially if you’re only one of a few women in the room.  I used to hang out with friends in high school, sometimes a group of guys and they would be telling stories or saying things that made me uncomfortable and I would just fake laugh like I thought it was funny.  I find myself doing that on occasion even now, although at my age I can dish it back if need be.  But why give in when I can use my power for good?  Why not challenge myself to speak up when unacceptable behavior or language rears its ugly head?

At school I have no problem letting all of my kids, regardless of gender, know when something is inappropriate, whether it’s language or behavior and my hope is that they will take some of those words to heart.  But I’m also counting on those other women in their lives, moms, grandmas, aunts, etc., to speak up when this happens and not just accept that boys will be boys in the negative sense.  I’m counting on those great men who can be outspoken examples of appropriate behavior as well.  As the mom of all boys,  I have an appreciation for the positive meaning behind “boys will be boys” and love them because of it.  And when they slip up and burp out loud, even as men, I still remind them to say excuse me if need be : )