The line of first graders filed into class this afternoon, walking to their appointed dot in the circle on the floor.  As the the end of the line approached, one little boy stopped and looked up at me.  “Mrs. Bush? Can I have a hug?”.  “Are you needing hugs?” I asked him?  “Yes”.  And he snuggled.  I don’t know if he had had a bad day or what, but he needed a hug today.

With the little research I’ve done, I’ve learned that hugging apparently increases levels of oxytocin which benefits stress levels, heart health among other things.  Even a ten second hug per day may be enough to fight infections, boost your immune system, ease depression and lessen fatigue.  According to articles I’ve read, 8 hugs are required for “maintenance” and 12 hugs per day required for emotional growth.  As teachers, we have students with us for 7 1/2 – 8 hours per day.  Some of these kids are at school and before/after school daycare from 7:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m.  If the child is sleeping 8-9 hours per night, that doesn’t leave much time event to be with parents to have quality hugging/snuggling time.  I see about  125 kids per day and while I hug a lot of them, I certainly don’t hug them all.

Unfortunately, teachers are discouraged from giving hugs because there have been adults who have taken advantage of children in horrible ways.  But that doesn’t take away the fact that children and yes, everyone needs hugs during the day from people they trust.  Like teachers.  While I rarely hug kids without them initiating, I have given unsolicited hugs when I can see a child who is scared or hurt. Sue me.

The longer I teach, the more I see children who are stressed out.  While we know they are young children, in classrooms we expect them to behave and to learn in a way that is older than they really are.  I have kids who come to me and tell me they miss their moms and ask for a hug.  They’re five.  Of course I give them a hug.  But there are other kids who just don’t feel right and instinctively feel like they need an adult to give them a hug.  Maybe they’ve had a bad day.  Maybe they lost a friend or failed a test.  I’ve had kids stop me to tell me that they’re sad because a grandparent died and that they need a hug.  Those are the kids who feel comfortable enough to ask. How about all of those other kids who do not?

I notice the difference in myself when I don’t get my quota of hugs.  I begin to isolate and become depressed.  Little things set me off.  And I’ve begun asking my family if they’ve had enough hugs lately.  Especially my son with aspergers.  For him, and some of my kids at school, they may want hugs  but they don’t know how to ask for them or feel uncomfortable with them.  And yet, it’s just as important that they get their quota as anyone else.

Isn’t it sad that children need to even ask for hugs?  What has become of a culture when we’re all too busy doing our everyday business that we don’t make time to hug children and family members?  I’m just as guilty.  I can go for a couple of days and realize I have not offered a hug to anyone in my own family because I’ve just been too busy and didn’t think about it.  And I don’t want to lump everyone into this category of non-huggers.  I know of wonderful families who take quality time with their children.  But what I’m seeing seems to be a trend that concerns me.  More and more children stressed.  More and more children angry.  More and more children distant.  And maybe all it takes to fix some of this is an occasional hug.