Today I learned a valuable lesson.  Kindergarten comes to me shortly after lunch in the afternoon.  As we were going through our activities, we began a song with some specific movements; one knee down, the other knee down, one elbow on the floor, the other elbow on the floor.  During the pause that followed, another melody began, followed by a chorus of “excuse me’s”.  I thanked them for the excuse me’s and we played the game again and once again, an additional chorus sounded, this time followed by laughter.  I mean, seriously, what else could we do?

With the older kids, definitely not so cute or funny.  While I don’t always hear it, I definitely know when something has happened when everyone in a certain area starts to pull the collar of their shirt over their nose.  This is when I announce that whoever is doing it needs to go use the restroom rather than subject the rest of us to their foul stench. I just love saying that because Princess Leia says it in Star Wars. With a British accent which she loses later.  But, enough of that.

Bathroom humor, bodily functions, and detailed sharing of loose teeth and war wounds are daily occurrences.  I can’t begin to count the number of times little boys have walked awkwardly to me, holding themselves and dancing as if that will really emphasize their need to use the restroom.  I usually make them wait until they ask if the MAY go the bathroom instead of “can I”.  It’s a teacher thing.  Getting them to pull up and zip up before they come out of the bathroom is a necessity as well.  After all, I saw an older gentleman at a football game come out of the bathroom still zipping a couple of weeks ago, so you can never start too early!

And just this morning, one of my 4th graders sneezed, and well, left residue all over the riser, which completely grossed out the girl sitting beside him.  While he did wipe it up, he didn’t quite meet her expectations of cleanliness by getting in all the little crevices.  A little hand sanitizer on a paper towel and problem solved.  My favorite is when you have a little one sneeze and they literally have snot dripping down their chin and they come up to ask if they can have a Kleenex.  Uh yeah, you think?

While I haven’t had anyone throw up in my room for awhile, mainly because if they even hint that they feel sick, I send them to the nurse, one of the best (or worst, depending on how you look at it), was a 2nd grader who very calmly sat on the riser, music book open to the correct page as we sang a song.  And he continued to just sit there as the vomit poured over the book like a waterfall.  Needless to say, we evacuated the room.  I thank God for custodians every day.

Today one of my 3rd grade girls walked up to me with a look of total disgust on her face.  “So and so just pulled his scab off of his arm and he’s putting his arm in my face.  I could have told her that this was actually an ancient 3rd grade boy love ritual, but instead I asked, did you tell him you didn’t like it?”  To which she replied, rather indignantly, “yes I did but he keeps on doing it!”.  Obviously he was getting the reaction he wanted.  And of course, when you ask the boy why he’s doing it all you get is “I don’t know”. Sad thing is, he probably doesn’t.

I regularly bandage ripped off scabs, bloody fingers where hangnails have been ripped out or bitten off, and blisters on toes and heels.  I can handle just about any bodily fluid without total disgust but the one thing that I hate dealing with is teeth.  “Look at my wiggly tooth, Mrs. Bush!” as they push it in and out with their tongue.  I just don’t deal with that.  Doug always took care of the boys loose teeth.  I actually had a kid ask today if they could go to the nurse because his permanent tooth was growing in.  Okay….

Then back to my kindergartners.  After all of our moving around, two of my girls took off their shoes.  When I asked them to put them back on, they explained that their feet were sweaty and stinky.  I told them they would live and that they couldn’t take their shoes off at school, all the while wishing I could take off my shoes and go around barefoot too.  Probably not a good idea however, because you never know what some child has picked off of or sneezed out of his or her body onto the carpet.  Oh well.

And yes, through it all, I and other teachers continue to teach. Teaching them about math and reading and music, but also teaching them how to have a little more self control, a little more decorum, and a little more civility in how they handle themselves and those pesky things with their bodies. Until then I suppose, we’ll keep accepting their “Oops!  Excuse me’s!”