Everyone wants to matter to someone.  Everyone wants to be seen and heard.  Everyone wants to be loved.  Basic human needs.  And yet, more and more I see businesses, organizations and well, just people getting further and further away from the thing that feeds those needs and that’s relationships.

“You are the best music teacher ever!!  I feel very welcomed!!”.  I received this today from one of my new students who just moved in this year and it made me smile.  Not because she thinks I’m the best music teacher (which is highly questionable) but the fact that because we’re developing a relationship, she feels welcomed.  Are there other teachers who make her feel that way?  I’m sure, but how nice to know that you’re making a difference in how a child feels?

This past weekend, I met with a roomful of wonderful music educators, all working towards the goal of bringing music to ALL students.  A lofty goal for sure, but the truth is, it boils down to one basic truth:  relationships.  We need to really get to know and appreciate kids for who they are. You may have the best marching band in the world or the most competitive show choir or the finest orchestra, but if a child doesn’t feel like they matter or are seen and heard for who they are, that child will not want to be a part of your musical world.  I’m not saying that we can’t also strive for high standards and excellence in what we do, but if it’s at the expense of making a child feel welcomed, then it’s all for naught.

I’ve seen and dealt with children who have relationship deficits.  Perhaps they are in foster care or they have parents incapable of meeting their needs.  Children need to be nurtured into relationships where they feel loved and can trust the other person.  A child who grows up without that trust in a relationship can be damaged for life.  Especially if that relationship is an important one like a parent or other family member.  That’s where I believe teachers, and from a biased point of view, music teachers, can make a huge difference in a child’s life, especially since we tend to be in a child’s life for an extended period of time.

I’ve shared that my time at home was sometimes difficult.  Fortunately for me I had a music teacher in high school who told us the first day that when we were together, and especially when we were away at places like camp that he was “dad”.  And sure enough, we trusted him to tell us truth, whether it was something we wanted to hear or not.  He demanded that we strive for excellence but also let us know on an individual basis that we mattered to him.  I was fortunate enough to be his student for three years. To this day, some 40 years later, I still get a Happy Birthday on Facebook from him as do dozens of other former students.  He makes us feel as though we still matter.

In this world of technology where it’s easy to isolate with just you and a screen, it’s more important than ever to remember that face to face relationships are still the best way to communicate with, appreciate and get to know each other.  It’s important for us to remind our students that quality time with other people is healthy and not just through google chat.  Technology can be a good enhancement to relationships, but it’s still that face to face meeting and interacting that is important.

So the example I have of my high school music teacher is a good one and one I try to remember it every day.  Sure there are those days when I don’t feel like spending time one on one with kids, but on those days when I get notes like this, I know it’s all worth it.  Pursue your students, get to know them and build relationships that makes a difference in the lives of kids.

“I teach myself the piano.  You helped me a lot”.

“Thanks for teaching”.