Ah, date night.  My idea of a nice date night is going out for a nice meal, so tonight we went to a local steak house, ordered a nice malbec for me and a dirty martini for him and ordered our entrees.  This place is a real throwback to old style steakhouses, dark wood, curved booths, opaque glass dividers. and servers who have been there for decades calling their customers “honey”.

As we’re sipping our drinks, the melodious sound of a Cornhusker fan interrupts the  conversations and glasses clinking with his personal rendition of Goooooooo Biiiiiiiiiiiig Reeeeeeeeed to which the other patrons answer Go Big Red!  As the bread, salad and bisque arrive, another fan chooses to bless us with his voice and another rendition of Gooo Biiiiig Reeeed.  Everyone smiles, and completes the response to the call.  This happens several time during the entree, the servers unfazed by the commotion.

And then the pep band comes down the steps into the restaurant, playing the fight song, followed by the cheerleaders and mascot  winding their way through tables, the sousaphone ducking under the doorway to the bar.  People get up from their tables with cameras in hand, wanting selfies with the mascot, videotaping the band, people who have had a little too much to drink, dancing to the pep band tunes.  This, my friends, is date night with a Big 10 college band director.

I don’t know if it’s this way in other places, but my entire married life I have been referred to as “the band director’s wife”.  I have been told what a cool job he must have, that he “gets to go to all of those football, basketball and football games, he “gets” to go to bowl games.  (And the occasional softball/baseball game, gymnastics meet, etc.) What a fun job!  People stop me and tell me they saw him at the volleyball or basketball game doing pep band and he always looks like he’s having a great time.  And yes, he loves what he does.  But I’m not sure they think about the fact that when he’s doing these things, he’s not at home.  So, date night is precious.  So, why go to a place where we know it’s going to be all about the pep band?

As the “band director’s wife”, I understand that it’s important for the kids to see that the director cares about what they do.  It’s part of building those relationships and creating a great college experience being part of a wonderful organization.  In the beginning of our marriage I didn’t always like the time he spent doing this band thing that he loves (understatement), but I certainly understand why he does it.  Students, no matter what their age, want to do well for teachers they respect and that respect comes from a relationship of making music together. It’s no different for my kids who want me to come to a performance or recital.  Is it something I’m obligated to do?  No, but I know it means something when I can go support them.  Shoot, my kids get excited if I show up for a dine-out night for PTO and they see me outside of school!

My college director caused me to both fear and respect him.  He was a taskmaster who had no problem telling you when you were being a weeny butt.  But he made band great. One of the greatest things he ever did for me however was when he showed up at my mother’s visitation, more than 30 years after I was in band.  He saw the last name in the paper and decided to pay his respects.  I think that’s why I love band/music so much.  It’s because no matter how long it has been or how far the distance, we will always be family.  And that’s why I encourage my band director husband to go to things like this Friday night pep band gig.

And truth be told, this is Nebraska Football.  It wouldn’t have mattered where we went to dinner on a Friday night, because someone would have lead the call and the restaurant would have responded.  If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em, right?  Go Big Red!