Dream interpretation is something I find interesting.  I understand that dreams are sometimes the reflection of things that have happened during the day or can be your subconscious releasing things you may be feeling or concerned about.  And for me, if the dream is recurring, I’m always curious as to why.  I tend to do this a lot, and right now the recurring dream is going back to my old job.

Whenever you dream of something from the past there is a sense that you need to let go or learn from the past and be able to move on.

When you dream about an old job then there are things on your mind which you are holding on to or unwilling to change – and this is not always for the best.

In this case, every time I go back in the dream, the room is smaller, darker and in shambles and I have to fix it.  I certainly don’t mean to say anything against the person currently in my old position who is doing a fabulous job!  But it leads me to ask what is in my subconscious that keeps bringing this up.

When I changed positions last year, it was my choice.  I LOVED the people I was working with and the kids were great.  But I was in a rut.  A very deep rut, and I knew that I needed a change.  So, I changed what I thought I could and that was buildings.  New building, new kids, new community, new colleagues, new way of teaching curriculum.  Same job.  Yes, there are obvious changes I had to make to accommodate all of the newness, but fundamentally, I am still the same teacher.  Was the change too safe?  Was it too easy?  I didn’t think so at the time, but maybe?

So, if I actually take stock in any of this dream interpretation stuff, what is it I’m supposed to be learning and is there something I’m unwilling to let go of?  I know I care about kids deeply, but is teaching the way I’m supposed to help them?  If I were in more of a leadership position, could I have more impact?  After observing my principals over the years, I KNOW this is not for me, but how else could I be a power for good in the lives of kids?

I shared with my teammates the other day that I’m finding myself excited to get home after school so that I can write.  I think about it all day.  I look for things that happen so that I can share them in my writing.  I haven’t been this excited about anything since – well, since I first began teaching.  But becoming a writer full time would be a scary thing, wouldn’t it?  I have a secure income right now and anticipate retirement in the near future.  But there is also a degree program at the University that I’ve researched and I would love to do that as well.  So to do those things now, financially and time wise, I would be stretched beyond what I could really do well.  And how practical is it really?  You see where I’m going with this?  Pretty sure I’ve just talked myself out of it.

Is my longing for real change and my fear of making that change manifesting itself through my dreams?  So many of us struggle with the practical side of the argument.  Sure it would be GREAT if I could do this and that, but it’s not practical so I won’t.  Anything I’ve read about great innovators talks about how this is not even a consideration.  But what about other people in my life who are depending on me?  I keep referring back to the flight attendant telling you to put your mask on before you try to help anyone else.  If this is a good analogy, then I certainly can’t help anyone if I haven’t taken care of myself first, can I?

Overthinking it is killing the dream change as well.  Well, I need to do this, then this has to happen and then maybe….  What would happen if we just jumped in and did stuff?  I’m not talking about doing something dangerous, but what if we just tried?  I heard something the other day that if you don’t react to a thought within a certain few seconds, you will never do it.  So maybe overthinking this is what’s keeping me from achieving my dreams?

And there is always the thought that I might disappoint someone with my choices.  After all, I am a people pleaser.  There are those people I see who have left teaching and my first thought is “but they were such a great teacher!”, never considering that teaching may not have been their real dream.  There are people whom I admire who have complimented my teaching.  Would I disappoint them if I chose something else to do?  Would it have been a waste of my time, money and energy getting the education degree in the first place?  Pretty sure I’m overthinking this thing again.

Maybe teaching was the necessary fodder for me to get to this point.  After all, I certainly can’t write effectively about and for the teaching experience and working with kids without personal experience, right?  But maybe I need to start following the dreams, both literally and figuratively to see if that’s the next step in my life.  And maybe then this recurring rut of a dream will go away.