There’s nothing like holiday music to bring out the most interesting comments from students.  Especially  with little ones, you know it’s things they’ve heard (or misheard) from parents or older brothers and sisters.  Today while singing “Deck the Halls” which actually should be Deck the Hall (singular, but that’s another story for another time), we of course came upon the one line that either makes kids giggle or gasp.  “Don we now our gay apparel”.

I’m usually more proactive about this, and I refuse to change the word because I think it’s important to teach context, but today we were just reviewing holiday songs for our end of year sing-a-long and I didn’t do it.  As soon as the song was over, a hand shot up in the air and a 1st grader informed me that the word “gay” can’t be used at school, because  it’s a bad word.  So of course, I explained the word in context, to which he replied, “my parents won’t like it”.  So I told him to talk to them about it, that they would know the song and I’m sure it would be okay.  But this whole conversation really got me thinking.  Do people actually think that by not talking about things that it causes them not to exist?  I always believed with my own kids, that if they were old enough to ask, they were old enough to talk about it.  Of course, as a parent, answers are tempered by personal philosophies and beliefs and what they believe their child can handle.  So what is a teacher to do when your whole life is geared towards educating your students and you find yourself not educating because you just don’t know what you should or should not say?

Later that same class, we were singing yet another Santa song, when one of my kids says (without raising their hand), “Christmas isn’t about Santa at all.  It’s about the birth of Jesus”.  To which I replied, yes, I would agree with you, but a lot of people celebrate the holiday with Santa.  A lot of the kids looked confused, like why can’t you celebrate Santa AND Jesus?  It’s all just so confusing.  And, did you know that Hannukah is just like Christmas only at a different time?  This one explained by another student who said, “yeah, Christmas is easy.  It’s about the birth of Jesus.  But Hannukah is really complicated, about a candle and oil and how it burned for eight days and stuff”.

In a school environment where I want to try and recognize as many different cultures and customs as I can, it gets very sticky.  One year I had a parent come to me upset that I was teaching Hannukah and not Christmas and she wanted to know why.  To which I replied, well Hannukah comes before Christmas this year and I’m going in chronological order.  People want their beliefs and traditions recognized and taught, not just at home, but at school.  But at school, music teachers walk a fine line because we’re not supposed to espouse one belief or religion or custom over another.  And what of those students who don’t celebrate anything?  That takes some additional creativity in terms of lesson plans.

And somehow, as teachers, our own beliefs and values get lost in the process.  Going back to the beginning of this story, I found myself getting defensive for my close friends who are gay.  I wanted so much to have a serious talk with the kids about how we shouldn’t giggle or make fun of the word gay because all people should be treated with respect.  But I didn’t want to open that can of worms, and now I’m a little angry at myself.  And for the kid who wanted to talk about the birth of Jesus, I wanted to join the conversation; that I too believe that the holiday is to celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior.  But that would be considered proselytizing.  This assumes that teachers, as adults in the lives of children, have the power to sway how they think.  And the truth is, we only have the power we’re given when it comes to subject matter outside of the prescribed curriculum.

Because we love our students and care about their futures, we not only want them to be educated in the 3’R’s, but we also want them to grow up to be kind, respectful, thoughtful human beings. And to me, that means taking the opportunity to talk to them about some uncomfortable things sometimes, to help them see the diversity in the world and to learn to appreciate and understand that diversity.  It doesn’t mean that they have to agree with everything, but they should have enough knowledge to form their own educated beliefs, philosophies, customs and traditions.  So, I suppose as long as it takes, (at least until I retire), I’ll keep explaining the word “gay” in context until kids finally stop giggling and gasping.