Last night we had the best time babysitting our foster grandkids, one who is four and the  other who is 9. It had been a long time since I had babysat and, well, I had forgotten a few things.  Like how to help a 4 year old brush his teeth.  To my defense, it’s been a while but he had no problem saying to me, “Grandma Judy, not like THAT!”.  So obviously I was doing something wrong.  However, we did have a great time having dinner, playing with cars, reading books and watching bad cartoons.  I REALLY need to introduce them to Looney Toons sometime.  And as it is approaching that time of year, the subject of Christmas came up.  We knew that the oldest didn’t believe anymore, but  the youngest does.  So as we talked about Santa, the oldest looks at me and says, “no, I don’t believe in Santa.  Santa sucks.  It’s all just parents giving the kids presents”.

It was the combination of anger and sadness that struck me. Not loud, just this quiet disappointment for what must have been some unpleasant past holiday experiences for him.  So, trying to change the direction I said, “well, then we can all have fun being Santa for the little one”.  Have you ever wanted to just take words and just stuff them back in your own mouth?  The look on his face, still quiet said it all.  No, Santa is stupid.

I wish I could say I completely understand, but I can’t.  I’ve had some pretty crappy Christmases, like the year my parents talked about getting divorced and told us to choose who we wanted to live with.  Then they changed their minds.  THAT was fun.  But, for the most part, I think they tried to get us things we wanted, trying to make us happy.  Trying to create some kinds of traditions as a family.  But with these two little guys, even Halloween was a new experience.  I can’t imagine how Christmas will be.  The new grandma in me wants to just give them everything they’ve never had, but giving “things” isn’t always the solution.  As we tucked the boys in last night and hugged them good night, I realized the best gift I can give them is my love and working to build up their trust in adults.

Of course this experience has caused me to think of my kids at school.  Yesterday was the last day for one of our custodians at school who was promoted and is transferring.  I watched as kids brought him little gifts and said goodbyes.  But there was one little girl who walked in quietly, just looked at him and gave him a hug.  Tears started to fill her eyes as she said nothing.  As the adult, he tried saying things to make her feel better, but she just looked up at him again and gave him another hug.  A relationship with an adult so powerful that she couldn’t even speak.  I thought I was going to cry with her.  This adult, whose job it is to take care of the building, clean the ridiculous amount of mess that 400 elementary kids can make and make life generally better for all of us, had taken the time to build relationships with children and it MATTERED.  When a young child walks up to an adult and tells them they will miss them, this is powerful.  The adult has built up a trusting relationship with this child.  And in case you think this guy is a pushover, no such thing.  He showed a parent’s love for these kids, taking care of them but also teaching responsibility to take care of themselves.  No gifts, just his time and wisdom.

You see, that’s what children really want.  Yes, they want the gifts at Christmas, but they want the adult to play with them, to read to them, to listen when they tell a story from school, good or bad.  Someone who will love them unconditionally.  So many times I have that one child who wants to tell me something before class and they have difficulty finding words, so it takes twice as long and the other 20+ kids in the room are losing their minds.  It’s hard to make myself stop for a minute longer,to really hear this kid out and respond somehow.  Maybe they’ll be more engaged in my class if they feel I’m really listening to them.  Ya think?  I need to work on showing more care for them as a human being and not just my student.

A dance teacher, who happens to be the wife of a long time friend,  posted on Facebook this morning how she was proud of all of her students, not just the ones who succeeded in the arts, but those who succeeded in other careers, and with their families.  She has made a difference in the lives of these students because she had high expectations for them, made time for them, challenged them, spoke truth to them.  Not buying them things or showering with with false praise.  That’s all these kids want from adults.  We don’t need to make life easier for them, we just need to be there for them, speak truth in love and build trusting relationships.

I’m so sorry that my foster grandson feels like there was nobody there for him in terms of Christmas  and I’m sorry that that has left him with the idea that Santa sucks.  Or, in other words,  you can’t trust adults.  All of us as adults have the responsibility to help children who come across our path in life, no matter what we’ve chosen to do with our lives.  Not to be Santa necessarily, but to give of ourselves to make the world a better place for children.  After all, isn’t that what Christmas is really all about anyway?