I remember the panic quite distinctly.  I was in the tiny little bathroom at the school where I was frantically changing clothes and throwing on make-up for my first program at my own school.  I had waited too long to get ready or taken too long setting up or something but all I knew was that there were parents filing in already and I was going to have all these kids standing there waiting for me.  Well, they didn’t have to wait but my entrance was less than glamorous, let me tell you.  I remember that this had been a difficult first year with these kids and while I had had some wonderful mentoring in terms of putting on a program, I had never run one completely by myself.  I’m pretty sure I forgot a prop I promised and some poor kid had to improvise during the program.  His parents were less than pleased.  The feedback from the sound system was a constant issue. The only good thing about this program was that it eventually ended and I had nowhere to go but up.

So, tomorrow night is the first concert of the year and my little choir will be singing their hearts out.  I hope.  Kids are always the unknown in this equation.  You can rehearse like crazy, make sure they understand the behavior expectations, send a million things home and invariably something bizarre will happen.  I learned from that first disaster of a program to give myself plenty of time to make sure everything is just the way I want it AND have plenty of time to get ready.  This is why I tend to just take everything to school in the morning and stay until the program is over that evening. I don’t usually eat a lot beforehand and, without giving you too much info, I tend to be ill before every performance anyway.  It’s just part of the ritual.

I am totally superstitious about the whole “bad rehearsal/good performance” thing.  In fact, it scares me to death if the dress rehearsal runs without a hitch.  It just means that something weird will happen during the performance.   I swear, it happens every time.  Tomorrow afternoon is the dress rehearsal.  We’ll see how it goes.  Oh, and can we talk technology?  You know, it used to be audio tapes.  Pop that sucker in and just let it go or press stop.  Not much to do there.  Then there are CD’s.  Much better in terms of finding stuff but sometimes the boombox won’t read it.  Usually in the middle of a concert.  It happened once.  What did we do?  I heard the pitch in my head, we hummed it and the kids did the entire piece, in parts, acapella.  I did say rehearse like crazy.  Then I went to the iPod, but we’re talking technology here and well, there tends to be a lot of operator error.  Now it’s all on the computer and if the stars are aligned, it should go as planned.  Unless it doesn’t which means I stand in front of an audience trying to figure out what went wrong while the kind, well-meaning parents shout suggestions to me.  There’s a reason why I’m ill before all my performances.

So, why does this introverted musician do these programs year after year?  I think it’s important for every child to have the opportunity to get in front of a home crowd and work on stage presence and public speaking. It’s important that they learn how to use a microphone and stand with confidence.  It’s important to make music – period. And they surprise me.  Those times when the sound that comes out of their mouths is just the most beautiful pure sound and you can tell they understand what they’re singing about and they’re connecting with the audience and you’re covered in goosebumps. It doesn’t get any better than that.

The best part, however, is when it’s over and that grandparent walks over to their grandchild and says “you were wonderful!” and the child just beams.  Or when a child walks up and says “that was the best thing I’ve ever done in my life!”.  Or the parent who thanks you for taking the time with that child who struggles academically or socially or who has special needs.  When I say music is for everyone, I mean EVERYONE.  As music teachers, we can make lasting memories and a real difference in the lives of our students and their families.

So how do I feel about the concert tomorrow?  Well, I’ve talked through logistics with my music colleagues and with the custodian, because let’s face it – he’s the most important person in this scenario!  The programs are finished, the props are ready on my table, the music is ready in my iTunes.  I’ll do a sound check in the morning before the school concert and set everything, make sure the mics, stands, risers and chairs are set. When the kids get on the risers, I’ll take a moment to make sure everyone is in the right place instead of rushing to get through things like I did in the old days. And then we’ll start the music, hope and do our best for the next 18 minutes or so.  The panic has been replaced by the knowledge that the most important part is sharing music with others.  And it’s not about me. Here’s to an okay dress rehearsal, a great performance, no technology issues and no more panic in the bathroom!