Not that it’s very relevant in real life, but I’m a Libra.  Libra personalities supposedly have a distinct sense of balance, of fairness, and as they age, a keen sense of right and wrong.  If you believe in this kind of thing, it makes life difficult for us Librans because it feels like there is so much wrong in the world right now.  There is a huge sense of frustration for us because we want to FIX things, to balance things, to make things fair.  Because we’re control freaks.  If people would just let us fix things, all would be right with the world.

The problem with this premise is that control freaks, at least in my case, tend to operate from gut feelings and not always from knowledge. We just KNOW.  However, what happens when you gain more background knowledge, I’ve found, is that it just brings in more layers of needed balance.  Things aren’t just black and white anymore when the layers can be a combination of blacks and whites.  Then things become grey.  And yet, I still want to fix things because what I think is right.

Just about every day, my husband and I ask each other, “what are your plans for the day?”  And the answer is always “we’re going to take over the world!”.   Because on a day to day basis, I find myself privy to situations and and circumstances that I could fix if people would just listen and let me do it!  I don’t mean to sound like a “know it all”, but it’s the need to fix things that moves me.  It’s always because I want to make things better, always rooting for the underdog, always wanting to help those who don’t believe in themselves to believe in themselves.  And this is not a bad thing, right?

The problem is when you don’t know or understand the entire story, all of your efforts to fix it may just complicate the situation.   Those shades of grey.  As a Christian, I find myself praying for things to be the way I think they should be, not necessarily how God may will things to be.  After all, He sees all of those layers of grey that I don’t see and He knows how the story is going to end.  My trying to fix things may just get in the way of the lessons to be learned or the experiences meant to be had to make the people in question who they are supposed to be.

So at the moment, I find myself in another one of those situations where I just want to fix everything, but this time it’s personal – emotional.  The outcome affects not only me and my family, but several other families whose stories I don’t completely know.  So much grey.  Right and wrong seemed so clear, but then you try to see things from other perspectives and the grey starts to get in the way.  The decision here needs to made by someone like King Solomon and yet all decisions will be made by fallible human beings, using laws rather than emotions, working to make sure everyone’s legal rights are considered.  And so, against every control freak bone in my body, I now fight to let go and let God.  And it’s hard.

I don’t see myself changing my zodiac sign or control freak tendencies any time soon, but my prayer for right now is that I can graciously accept whatever God’s will is in this situation and to support others in any way I can after decisions have been made.  And then I’ll try again to fix things.