“Sometimes the greatest way to say something is to say nothing at all”.  These lyrics jumped off the page at me as I was listening to a song by Justin Timberlake today.  I don’t know that I’m a huge fan – I’ve never intentionally listened to his work.  And I don’t know the background of the lyrics.  What did he mean exactly?  Is it literal?  Was it meant to send a message?  Is it about some particular issue?  I don’t know, but I’m going to use it for my purpose tonight.

I’ve always joked that there’s a reason for stereotypes, realizing of course that’s it a complete oversimplification, and when your experience or the only things you’ve seen looks the same, it’s easy to do.  For instance, when I say Kentucky, some people automatically believe everyone has horses, or doesn’t wear shoes or has no teeth.  As someone who grew up there and who has friends and family there, that hacks me off a bit. I believe that the fact that’s it’s easy is why stereotyping is so prevalent in our society.  It’s work to really get to know someone or a group of people and to try to understand where they’re coming from and why.  It’s hard to let go of your prejudices, your preconceived notions and take the chance that your thoughts or beliefs might be wrong.

Seeing what others post on social media proves my point.  Everyone is lumped into two different political parties, and you’re either pro this or anti that.  You’re either liberal or conservative, pro life or pro choice, progressive or not,  homophobic or not, prejudice or not.  There is no room left for gray, no room left to be a combination of those things.  It dehumanizes us, stereotyping human beings into their simplest form.  You either are or you aren’t.  We assume certain things about groups of people and then we write about it.  We write about it in the most derogatory ways we can.  We insult them using words saved for only the most vile of creations.  Perhaps not really knowing the person or group of people at all but making assumptions due to an ideology.  You know exactly where these people stand based on these words, which makes it easy for you to lump THEM into a category as well.  And thus begins the us vs them scenario and the impossibility of seeking any middle ground.

Say nothing.  Say nothing so that people have to get to know you.  Say nothing so that others have the opportunity to get to know you by your actions.  Not what you say about them, but how you treat them and others.  I have friends and colleagues with whom I have great relationships who are very vocal about what they feel or assume about others on social media and otherwise.  I know them to be kind, hardworking, intelligent people.  But then, I tend to say nothing.  Would they still be that kind person if I too became vocal about how I feel about political and cultural issues?  Most people I know are so passionate about what they believe and get so emotional that it might be difficult to have a civil conversation with someone who believed differently.  Just like Congress, however, civil discourse and compromise must happen at some point or our civil war of words will tear this country apart.

Now, I know that some of you reading this are already thinking, well, if the Democrats did or didn’t do this or if the Republicans did or didn’t do that…. it’s a blame game.  It’s an excuse not to have to compromise and try to make things work.  How can we blame our leaders when we’re all behaving the same way.  Now, I don’t mean to lecture here, but I’m going to take it back to my kids at school.  My kids who are learning that their way is the best.  The kids who tell me that someone should kill the president.  The kids who bully others because they think or look or act differently than they do.  Not all of my kids of course, they’re still learning.  Ominous, isn’t it?

But it’s not too late to change. I’m human; I too have held onto stereotypes and biases and then my experience changes and it challenges my way of thinking.  We’ve all been raised by other humans who were imperfect and had their own issues and we go into adulthood carrying those things with us whether we intend to or not.  There have been times when I’ve struggled mightily with what I’ve been taught and what I believed because I’ve had the opportunity to meet someone different or had a new experience.  Then the stereotypes begin to fade somewhat and my heart takes over what the mind had controlled.  I believe it’s hard to hate someone when you get to know them, to work beside them, to laugh and cry with them.  The stereotypes fade away and all I see is someone a lot like me.

And so I say nothing.  You can believe what you want about me; assume I support one party or the other, support one cause or another, or am one religion or another, but unless you get to know me, all of that is meaningless.  Until you understand why I do or think or believe as I do, you don’t really know me.  Until then, I guess you’ll just have to assume because “Sometimes the greatest way to say something is to say nothing at all”.