Questions are an essential part of learning.  As teachers we WANT our students to ask questions just as we work on higher level questioning for our students.  Once in a while, I’ll hit that sweet spot where kids are really thinking and the questions spark some great discussions.  I live for those times.  Seriously.  Because most of my day is spent answering either the same questions over and over again, “what if” questions and questions that should never have been asked in the first place.

My third graders are getting ready to do a musical and the scripts are going out this week.  I asked if anyone had any questions (silly me).  When is the play?  April 26.  Who gets to be in the conga line?  We’ll decide that later.  Why are so and so and I the same student number?   Look at your page number.  Oh yeah!  When is the play?  April 26.  Can we invite our parents?  Yes, and your grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, neighbors…. When is the play?  (At this point I just roll my eyes) Do we have to memorize this?  Yes.  When is the play?  At the point everyone looks at the kid – “please, haven’t you been listening?” even though it’s the fourth time someone has asked.  At least I don’t have to answer the question again.

It’s the what if questions that on occasion I just refuse to answer.  What if the main character gets sick?  They won’t.  But what if they do?  My main characters never get sick.  But, what if they DO?  Did I mention that they never give up?  Sometimes what if questions are out of fear or concern.  When discussing tornado or fire drills, there are usually a lot of “what if” questions.  What if the tornado takes the roof off the building?  Well, we’ll all get rained on and a little rain never hurt anyone.  What if the ceiling falls on us?  It’s all just ceiling tiles – really light.  They won’t hurt us.  What if there’s fire at both doors?  Well, I can open up the wall then.  When I was in a room with only one door and the kids asked that question, I would tell them I would break the window and throw them out.  Good for a laugh.

Of course, sometimes there’s no way to prepare for the kinds of questions kids ask.  Why did Mrs. Shaddick curl her hair?  Can you make so and so go to the bathroom?  Can you snap my pants?  Is my nose bleeding?  Can I have a Kleenex? (As their nose is running down their face).  Did someone pee on the risers? Can you cut these threads off my socks?  Did Mrs. Ebke have her baby? Can you put my earring back in?  Can you tell so and so to stop trying to kiss me? That last one happened today.

The best question however is “how do you know all of this stuff?  Well, my usual answer is because I’m old, but my other answer is because I like to read things.  They appear to be very impressed until I try to teach them something else later and then I get ignored. Of course, I could be faking a ton of stuff and they would never know because I speak with the authority of a teacher. The idea is slightly entertaining, but not nearly as entertaining as the questions I get on a daily basis.