What in the world do people do when they don’t have faith in a higher being?  In God?  Where do you go when things don’t go the way you hoped they would and you’re heartbroken?  Whether it’s the little disappointments or the big ones, where do you let go and let God?

I’ve shared that I’m a control freak, so when life happens, my go to is to try to fix it myself.  I’m just convinced that my way is always the best way for everyone involved.  If people would just listen to me, the world would be a better place.  I think you get the picture.  And those times when my vision doesn’t match my circumstances can be extremely frustrating.

So then, how does the “A” type personality let go then?  I wish it were as easy as going to God and saying “make me let go”, but it’s not.  This free will stuff always gets in the way.  And so what takes place is practice, practice, practice.  As a musician I should be used to that, right?  As a musician however, I have a little more choice as to what I want to practice.  I could decide not to practice, but obviously no practice brings about no change.  And when learning to let go, it’s all about change.  It’s all about letting go of the worry and the frustration and the sadness and trusting that there’s a better plan for you or another person out there.  Something bigger than you ever imagined.

And what does that practice look like?  Just like anything else, it’s a lot of trial and error.  You start off like gangbusters, just like starting a diet.  I am going to make myself do this.  This of course fails miserably because again, I’m trying to make it all up to me.  Then you go through the guilty phases.  If I just had more faith, this wouldn’t be so hard.  Why do I keep doubting?  I must not be a very good Christian.  And then, there’s that first time something happens, and you take a deep breath and despite your sadness or disappointment you say, God, I’m sad but obviously this was not meant to be and I will let go and trust.

This doesn’t mean you don’t feel sad anymore, but it does mean that you can have hope.  Hope that He’ll get you through this even though it’s hard.  What a life lesson.  And the next time it happens maybe you stop a little sooner, thank God for the circumstances and trust.  With a few reservations.  Remember, it doesn’t happen all at once.  I’m not sure when it all clicks because for me, I’m still learning.  I had some news tonight that has made me very sad but I immediately thought to put it in God’s hands.  I’m still sad but I know he’ll help me let go, little by little.

It’s reassuring to know I don’t have to hold on to stuff and that I may not know all the reasons that something happens but I don’t have to know them all.  That’s where the trust comes in.  For someone who always needs to know the “why” it’s certainly a challenge, but I figure I’ve got a few more years to keep learning.  So in the meantime, I’m going to allow myself to be sad, pray a lot and let go little by little, trusting that God has the bigger picture in mind.