“If you mess up that paper I’m going to kill you!”.  Out of the mouths of babes.  I asked the offending first grader who said this to come up to my desk.  “What does killing mean?”, I asked.  “I don’t know” was the response.  I made the choice to express the following to him. “Killing is dead.  Gone.  Never coming back.  Killing hurts.  Killing makes people angry and sad.  Do you still want to kill your friend?”.  “No, I was just kidding.”  “Well, killing is not kidding and we don’t talk to or treat people that way”.   I might be shocked if this was the first or only time I have ever heard a child tell another child they were going to or wanted to kill them, but it’s not.  And I’m not shocked.

Way back in the old days, there were censors who looked at TV and movie content.  Content that was not family friendly was either shown after prime time or not shown at all.  Movies did not have the same graphic violence and language they do now.  Adults did this not to hinder creativity but to protect children.  Children who do not understand that killing and dying are violent and permanent.  Children who do not understand that real killing is bloody and painful.  Is all this cultural violence due to what they watch?  That may be part of it, but that would be too easy.

They don’t have to go far at all to see graphic violence on reality TV, video games and movies.  Their little brains are like sponges, their little psyches etched with the images they see.  And adults are allowing this to happen.  I know this is true because, well, kids talk about everything.  “I got to see “IT” this weekend.  I really liked the last episode of the Walking Dead.  My mom let me see Black Swan.”  Are you kidding me?  Yes, these are just movies and TV shows, but they are meant for adult minds who can hopefully tell the difference between reality and fiction.

And have you seen reality shows lately?  Why are we watching adults (I use the term loosely) swearing at each other, throwing things, physically fighting, (men AND women) sleeping with anyone and everyone, lying and cheating?  It’s the worst of humanity portrayed as entertainment on a screen.  And kids see this and think it’s okay to behave this way.  So why are we surprised?

The violent culture we’re seeing affecting our schools and our children did not happen overnight and it wasn’t even covert.  In allowing ourselves to be exposed to gradually more and more violence and depravity until it became commonplace, we created this culture.  And then we act shocked.  How could someone do this to children?  Well, why NOT do this to children?  Not trying to be crass here, but we’ve allowed ourselves and now our kids to be irresponsible and disrespectful, helped them to blame others when something went wrong in their lives, and allowed them to witness acts of violence, either real or virtual for their entire lives.  What else would you expect?

Then we try to oversimplify the solution.  If we just got rid of all guns, this would stop.  If we just had enough mental health professionals in the schools, that would be the answer.  We can do more background checks, arm teachers, put security at the doors of our schools, give teachers trauma training and have anti-bullying campaigns.  And then, it gets even better.  We face off against each other in every possible venue, depending on what simplistic solution we side with and argue about that until the next shooting when it starts all over again.  In the meantime, teachers do meaningless drills to prepare for what may now be considered the inevitable when the truth is, we don’t know exactly what we’ll do if it does.  My prayer is that God will guide me to do the right thing for my kids when and if it happens because I can’t begin to anticipate the actions of a child killer.

Look, all of us who are caring, loving, well adjusted adults have the impossible task of trying to wrap our minds around the fact that there are depraved people out there who don’t mind killing children.  We’re angry, scared and heartbroken and we want to be people of action but we really don’t know what to do.  Is it because they had access to a gun or because they didn’t have access to mental health care? Are we waiting on a government to do something when it seems they’re more interested in the latest tweet or email? We want to do something and we want it to be fixed right now but it’s only getting worse.  And that feeling of helplessness just increases the anger and fear and sadness we feel for all children.

I don’t have the answers but turning on each other during times like these over philosophical differences is just another demonstration of violence in front of children and, quite frankly, tells them and us just how unimportant they must be in the scheme of things.  What we need is quick, decisive civil dialogue between real adults to make some major changes. That will take some compromise but with the ultimate goal of making our schools safe for our children to learn and grow.  And let’s pray that this happens sooner than later. In the meantime, in my little corner of the world, my job is to do my best for my students, to insist that they treat each other with kindness and respect, even if they disagree with others and to call them out when they don’t, to give them guidance to talk to adults they trust if they’re struggling and to let them know that they matter.  And, unfortunately, give them options in case someone comes in the door with a gun.