You can see the child now, can’t you?  Stomping on the floor, yelling at the top of their lungs, anger and frustration aimed at another child, perhaps a sibling, who has tried to tell them what to do.  Or perhaps it’s a teacher, fed up with ten year old children trying to tell them what to do.  Just kidding.  Kind of.  (“Can you let me be the teacher?”)  Sorry, inside teacher joke there. Nobody likes to be told what to do at any age, even when it’s in their or someone else’s best interest.  We tell drivers not to drive over a certain speed in a certain area for safety reasons, but how many people do exactly what they want anyway?

So, here’s my thought process.  I hope you can stay with me here because I’m not really sure where this is going to go myself.  Anyway, with all of this talk of gun control, it occurred to me that the word CONTROL is the problem.  You see, control of anything is not real in the sense that policies, rules and laws can’t really control anyone.  At it’s very best, control is temporary and sporadic.  It’s false comfort. Most times, those who are being “controlled” are allowing themselves to be controlled either because they agree with the policy/rule/law or they are by nature rule followers and perhaps afraid to break it.

Let’s say you are the opposite of a rule follower, you’re a loophole finder.  You’re the kid who always found that one thing left out of someone’s instructions that allowed you to do exactly what you wanted to do anyway.  Some of you are nodding your heads.  These are people who don’t want to be told what to do and do not want to be controlled by anyone.  These are the gun owners who read exactly what they want to read into the constitution to back up their belief system.  Then there are the anti-gun people who believe that if there are laws or policies written to get rid of guns that it will control the problem just because it’s a law or policy.  We’ve already talked about how that goes.

Now let’s take a page out of the teacher’s handbook.  As I tell my students at school, you can’t control anyone but yourself.  Let me say that again.  You can’t control anyone but yourself.  That means that no matter how strongly you feel about something, you will not be able to make someone else do it, want it, or agree with it.  Period.  Now, as a teacher, I can make things difficult, like consequences if you don’t follow the rules, but even then, the consequences for some people might have to be really dire.  I mean, let’s talk about a serious issue like abortion for instance.  When there were laws against abortion, women who thought they needed one found a way to get one, despite the major health risks involved. This was a major argument for those who wanted to legalize abortion.  If women are going to get one anyway (because they want to be in control), then we might as well legalize it.  The argument from women in general?  Nobody can control my body.

The word “control” gives us a false sense of security.  If we try to control our borders by building a wall, we give those who are concerned about this issue a feeling of safety.  Despite the fact that people are people and we can’t REALLY control them, they will, as Jeff Goldblum says “find a way” to cross the border.  We try to “control” who enters our school buildings but I’m sure a lot of schools, like mine have tons of windows for aesthetic reasons just waiting to be broken to allow someone in. We try to take control of an uncontrollable situation by practicing “code red drills”, knowing that we really have no control if that situation were to occur.  Some people are afraid their control is being taken away if you take away their guns and others are afraid if we don’t control who gets the guns.  It all boils down to fear, and fear that our lives can or will be dictated by someone else.  Someone who may not agree with me and what I believe is right or wrong.

Now to recap.  1.  Many of us behave like the child throwing a fit when they don’t get their way. 2. No one wants to be controlled by others.  3.  Control is at best temporary and a false security.  4.  Policies, rules and laws don’t always work.  5.  You can’t control anyone except yourself.  6.  People who are loophole finders or in dire straits will always find a way to fight what others try to control.

Are you depressed yet?  Don’t be.  The key, I believe, is the fact that we can be in control of ourselves. We’re wasting our time trying to control others and it doesn’t work anyway.  It’s all about self control and teaching self control.  It’s about teaching our children that life is NOT all about them but of thinking about others.  Teaching our children not to feel helpless when there is a situation beyond their control but how to deal with it.  Teaching students about civil discourse and debate rather than arguing and threatening.  This also means that we, as a community of adults ,need to get our acts together, and quickly.

I, as an individual can choose how I react or respond to something.  I can choose how to react when someone else is not doing or behaving in a way that is healthy.  I can respond to anger with calm, fear with reassurance or support.  I can choose not to separate myself from someone I disagree with but can encourage dialogue instead.  If  we all choose to take care of ourselves in such a way that it helps others, the need to control things will not be necessary.  It sounds utopian I know, but that must be the goal.  Even God does not try to control us but allows us free will.  Who wants someone to love or care about them because they were forced or coerced into it?  So, who is the boss of me?  I am – not you!