A mirror is a fickle thing.  One day you look in the mirror and think, hey, I’m looking pretty good and the next day you look and think, who is that old woman and why is she blocking my view?  For me, a mirror is usually just a tool, something to help me make sure the hair is in place, that I don’t have sleepies in the corners of my eyes and that I don’t have something stuck in my teeth.  It’s also to make sure I’ve chosen something to wear that hides my lack of a waist and that things match the way they should.  Once in a blue moon, things click and I do look at myself and think “looking good, kiddo!”.  These are the days when I maybe snap a selfie before the look or feeling disappears.

While I was sick recently, the mirror really did reflect how badly I felt.  Of course, not  showering for several days will do that to a person, but I marveled at how my body, which felt so bad on the inside could actually manifest that feeling on the outside, especially if you don’t do anything to combat the look, like applying make-up and hairspray, for instance.  It could explain why everyone knows when a man is feeling bad because he has no line of defense like women do.  Sorry guys.

I’ve read that some therapists or self-help gurus suggest that you look in the mirror each day and tell yourself how much you love yourself and how great you are.  I’ve tried that but then I have trouble stifling the laughter afterwards.  I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to take this kind of thing seriously.  The problem is, there are those days when you look in the mirror and you allow what you see to completely control your mood and attitude for the day.  Despite the fact that I’ve plateaued in terms of my weight for some time, some days I feel I look fatter than others and when I think I look fatter, I’m completely bummed out, even if it was exactly the same as the day before.  It’s silly.  I wonder if it’s a little like the chicken and the egg.  Was I feeling bad about myself before I checked in the mirror and the mirror just amplified that feeling or did the image change how I felt?  I’m obviously thinking WAY too hard.

Getting older does help somewhat because I can lower my expectations.  You can stop laughing now. I mean, I am 158 years old, as I tell my students, and I look pretty good for that age, right?  I suppose there’s always room for improvement and I have to admit that if someone tells me I look younger than I am it’s a bit of an ego boost whether they mean it or they’re just being kind.  However, I know how old I am and on those days when I really look my age, or what I perceive is the way I should look for my age, I usually tell myself, “it is what it is” and I go on my way.

What I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older, is that the mirror cannot be trusted.  Oh sure, when you’re young and it’s all about wearing just the right thing and having the latest hairstyle and make up, the mirror is your friend.  But it doesn’t always reflect the real you, the part of you on the inside that brings the sparkle to your eyes or the look of confidence to your face or the pride in your stride.  That feeling that you know who you are, you know what you can do and you know how to get things accomplished.  It doesn’t reflect the experiences and challenges that have shaped you into the person you’ve become. I would never trade this old face for my youthful face with all of its insecurities and self doubts.  I like knowing who I am, despite what the mirror tries to tell me.  To me, there’s nothing more beautiful than a woman who exudes confidence in herself, whatever her age and that’s the woman I hope I grow up to be.

I want to strongly emphasize to all women that we are more than our reflection in the mirror; that we can reflect upon our lives and ourselves and determine who we are, with or without the make-up and hair.  It’s totally cool to want to look our best, whatever your personal idea of “best” is, but instead of always trusting the mirror, let’s just trust ourselves and work to become even more beautiful on the inside.