The current  philosophy in terms of student support, as least in our district, is that grace is giving a child what they need, not what they deserve.   It’s interesting that this current philosophy chooses to use this word in helping children to develop certain life skills. In the Christian faith, grace is the love of God shown to the unlovely; the peace of God given to the restless; the unmerited favor of God. Is this really what we want to give to children who have difficulties learning right from wrong?

It’s easy to pick and choose those things we want to use from the Bible or any other religious books for that matter.  The problem is that when you pick and choose you take a great chance of taking things out of context.  So while the concept of grace alone sounds like a virtuous thing, life is not all about grace.  Unfortunately not everyone wants or accepts grace.  Other scriptures state, “Men reap the consequences for their actions” Galatians 6:7-8, TLB. “Don’t be misled; remember that you can’t ignore God and get away with it: a man will always reap just the kind of crop he sows! If he sows to please his own wrong desires, he will be planting seeds of evil and he will surely reap a harvest of spiritual decay and death; but if he plants the good things of the Spirit, he will reap the everlasting life which the Holy Spirit gives him.”

Consequences, especially what I like to term “natural” consequences are a part of life.  You put your hand on a hot stove after you’ve been told not to, you get burned.  You step out into oncoming traffic without looking, even after you are taught not to, and you get hit by a car.  Natural consequences.  Those are obvious physical consequences to actions, but it’s a little harder to explain or decide upon consequences when you’re talking about things like kindness, respect or responsibility.  For instance, just talking to a child who has been disrespectful multiple times is obviously not working.  There have to be consequences severe enough that it teaches the child not to be disrespectful anymore.

While things like kindness, respect and responsibility are hard concepts to teach, it’s easy to see the results when children lack these character traits.  Children who are bullied on the playground, lack of respect not only for each other but for the adults in the school and poor treatment of materials and facilities are the results of this lack of character.  As teachers, and I believe, as adults in general,  we struggle to come up with consequences for these children because of constraints put upon us by the political correctness and cultural pressure that permeates public education.

Everyone seems to want to treat children like little adults, giving them the same rights and privileges.  We laugh and encourage little ones when they display some attitude or sass, or spout inappropriate language they’ve picked up “somewhere” and put them on social media as if this is a great thing.  We give them everything they want in terms of the latest and greatest, we give in to whatever demands they have.  For instance, I can’t imagine demanding I have something different for dinner than what was served.  I wore the clothes bought for me, I ate what was put in front of me, watched TV when I was allowed and went to bed when I was told.  And there were consequences if I chose to do differently.  I was taught to treat the things I was given well or they were taken away.  I was punished if I was unkind to my brother.  I believe that children are born being kind, but there’s a lot in this world to teach them the opposite and if they see examples of that unkindness getting away with it, they think they can too.

The longer I teach, the more I see.  I see students who have everything they need and yet they insist on destroying materials.  Holes poked into things, folders torn on purpose, erasers ripped off pencils, erasers torn to pieces.  Unnecessary destruction.  I see kids who don’t want to take responsibility for their actions, whether it be picking up after themselves, taking care of their belongings or owning up to things they’ve done or said.  Respect is a lost art for so many of these children.  I had a child just the other day who, when asked to do something, did the loud heavy sign, arms flung up in the air, stomping  and then the eye roll.  When I tried talking to him about his actions, he really didn’t understand what he had done wrong.

Not all of my students are like this obviously, however, the students who struggle with this are chronic offenders, and our only remedy is to show grace.  The “consequences” dolled out are ineffective and not only do we know it, but the students know it as well.  It is not enough to make them change or even want to change.  I’m no expert in behavior, despite the fact that I’ve been working with children for almost thirty years, but to me it just makes more sense to administer consequences first, then give grace when they’re trying to do the right thing but will occasionally fail.  We’re all human, after all and we need that grace when we screw up.

I love my students, all of them, and the ones that struggle the most are the ones that tug at my heartstrings.  They’re the ones who run up for a hug or want to tell me all about their day.  They want to do the right thing, but need the help to do it.  I’m showing grace when I give appropriate consequences.  It will help them learn how to treat people and property, respecting all.  It will help them in terms of getting and keeping jobs and developing solid relationships with family and friends.  It’s important enough that I need to make sure they understand in any appropriate way that I can, even if the consequence is difficult for them because life is difficult and I want them to succeed.