Several months ago, I asked a question of the readers of this blog to see what they thought of what had been written so far.  One reader said she liked what I wrote but felt like I was maybe “holding back” for some reason.  There would be many reasons to “hold back” I suppose, not knowing how people might react to certain things I wrote.  After all, if it’s something very personal, what would people think about me?  What if I said something I really believe, even if it was very different from the popular culture?  Could I handle any backlash that might occur? My past is full of times when I have held back, many times out of fear, sometimes for survival.

So recently, I’ve tried to not “hold back” in a couple of blogs and was surprised that they  were favorably received and I did not receive the backlash I feared.  Just because there is fear doesn’t mean I still don’t feel strongly about things and writing it down is not just a way to get those thoughts on paper, but a way to release some emotions attached to those thoughts.  And up to this point, I have been careful never to name names and have tried to make things more universal in terms of subject matter.  But despite that, I may have overstepped a line recently.

I thought I was being “general” in my words but apparently I wasn’t general enough and there were readers who knew who I was talking about and it has made for an uncomfortable experience for all concerned.  I have always been one to talk about being professional, but the professional thing to do would have been to just talk to this person without writing about it.  As I’ve always said, words are powerful and now I’ve experienced just how powerful they can be, in a most negative way.  My concerns still remain, but how I handled it was definitely not one of my shining moments.

So to my friends, I apologize publicly for the manner in which I chose to express my concerns.  It’s certainly a lesson in humility and raises the question of when and where it’s okay to let go and express yourself.  I know there are people who write things all the time in the media and on social media, not seeming to care who they hurt or insult, but maybe they don’t have to face those people in the morning.  As a wannabe writer, I dream of writing things that can challenge other’s way of thinking but the challenge for me will be if I can do it without holding back and without hurting others.  Just shows you’re never too old to learn.