We are all products of our environment.  I am a freak about keeping your mouth closed when you chew, using adverbs correctly (notice the -ly there), asking MAY I go to the restroom rather than CAN I (my usual response being, “I don’t know, CAN you?”), checking for fire hazards which means moving anything flammable away from any electrical or heat source, and using my turn signal BEFORE I turn or change lanes while driving. It’s all my father’s fault of course. They’re the kinds of lessons he pounded into my head as I was growing up and I can honestly say, to this point, I’ve never had a fire in my home, oh, except when my youngest decided to find out how much tissue it took to make the flame higher on a candle – sigh,  AND, I have never had a ticket or an accident while driving in traffic.  I have however, backed into Doug’s car coming out of the garage  and hit a stationary pole and a stationary pay phone, which tells you how old I am and that traffic must be moving or I could hit it.

We were not a church going family, however, my father instilled in me respect for God, authority and adults.  He taught me to respect and take care of property, to pick up after myself (I’m still working on that) and not to use inappropriate language because with all the words in the English vocabulary, surely you could find something else to say.  You were to treat others as you wanted them to treat you.  My father spanked me only once that I remember and that was because I used a word I had heard at school and even though I had no idea what it meant I used it at home.  Note to self….

All this prologue to say, things have changed.  A LOT.  This has been an interesting year, to say the least, as I have more and more students who have a complete disregard for property, authority and each other.  I’ve talked about this before, but I’m starting to figure out, when we say to them “be safe, be respectful, be responsible”, even with some kind of explanation, they have no idea what it looks like.  And how could they?  Back in the day, there were boundaries.  Those who crossed the boundaries, whether it was familial or societal, incurred consequences, no matter their age.  However, we live in a time when, at least in our country, behavior doesn’t seem to matter.  It is a non-issue.  Inappropriate and disrespectful behavior is all around us and we’re complaining about it, but we’re also condoning it.  There is no black and white anymore as it has all become many shades of grey, allowing anyone to do anything and it must be accepted.  The problem is, when you adopt an “anything goes” attitude, others get hurt in the process.

So, where do we draw the line and are the lines different?  Among family and/or friends?  Workplaces?  Communities, Cultures, Churches, Country?  Where are the lines that if they are crossed, we know there will be consequences?  I’m afraid nobody seems to be able to answer that anymore because, pardon my language, we’ve become a nation of weeny butts.  Yes, you heard me right – weeny butts!  Everyone is afraid to draw lines when there is a point where behavior becomes unacceptable.  Oh sure, your tolerance level may be much higher than mine, but for the good of our society, for our KIDS, there has got to be a much more black and white solution to the problem of disrespectful and irresponsible people.  We just become a part of the problem when we don’t speak up.  I really think there are a lot of great people out there who want to speak up but they’re afraid of being judged and ridiculed, and in this culture, that could actually be unsafe.  So many of them pretend that it’s okay, saying it’s just the way things are now.  Words aren’t that important and it’s all about me. At least it seems that way, but it doesn’t have to be.

Here’s a silly example.  When I was a little kid (and kids are still this way), potty humor was hysterical, right?  Saying words like pee and poop brought out tons of giggles.  After a while, I began labeling it middle school humor, because now it seemed it was okay for middle schoolers to hang on to that elementary mentality.  Now we have adults watching things like Bridesmaids and The Hangover – parts I, II and III, about adults acting like – wait for it – middle schoolers and it is box office gold.  And let me tell you, there’s nothing like a middle school mindset of legal age.  We call ourselves adults, but it’s hard to tell when we’re still behaving like children.  No wonder kids are confused.  In a lot of cases, they’re just mimicking the behavior they’re seeing in the adults around them.  They don’t understand what we mean when we ask them to respect adults because there are fewer and fewer adults for them to see.

Today I used an analogy for one of my classes that was displaying disrespectful behaviors like heavy sighs when asked to do something, eye rolling, whining, etc.  I asked them about our current president and if they thought he misbehaved.  They all said yes.  Then I asked them what kinds of things does he do to misbehave?  They came up with quite a few things.  I then asked several questions; do you think people like him?  Do people want to be his friend?  And then I posed this scenario to them.  Don’t you think it’s a little sad that nobody taught him how to behave?  And the room got quiet.  And because nobody taught him to behave and gave him consequences when he behaved disrespectfully, look what we have.  And he probably has no real friends.  Isn’t that sad?  This is when I explained to them that I was trying to teach them how to be respectful so that they would do the right thing, treat people and things well and people would like and trust them.

I’m not speaking politically here, just behaviorally.  Isn’t it a shame that I can use the president of our country as an example of how NOT to behave and how boundaries/rules need to be set for everyone, including people like the president so that everyone has a better life?  So, I ask you, when did wrong become right and right become wrong?  How can we right the wrongs and become real adults, not just fake “adulting” so that our kids have great examples to look up to and learn how to respect?