I’m an educated woman, someone who tests well, who didn’t have to work too terribly hard in school, except for Geometry and a couple of crazy grad classes.  I’m fairly logical and like to figure things out by myself.  However, there is one subject matter that has had a way of making me feel stupid since 1976 and that would be computer science.

Who would think that technology would be that big a deal?  I mean, now I have to live with a screen much of my time and what I know, I know.  But when technology throws me a curve ball, none of my logic or problem solving skills seem to work.  It’s as though it’s speaking some kind of alien language that I just can’t begin translate.  All I wanted to do was update my blog website and after several hours, much sighing, some swearing under my breath and the urge to throw the laptop, I gave up.  For today.  Because I really hate it when something makes me feel stupid.

So, I went to the source of all knowledge to get some instruction – YouTube.  Do you have any idea of how many videos there are on how to do various things on WordPress?  Shuffling through those is almost as frustrating.  And who are these people who get excited about teaching this stuff?  One guy was sitting in what looked to be a luxurious modern home with the curved staircase in all white.  It was like something out of the John Lennon “Imagine” video.  Did he actually make that much money doing these cheesy video tutorials?  Obviously he must be making money from frustrated women like me who WOULD be incredibly smart, except for technology.

I would really love to be of the mindset that I can’t do this – yet, but the truth is, I don’t WANT to do this, but I have to to keep up in the world.  Maybe technology gives me that feeling of accomplishment when I actually DO figure something out, which doesn’t happen very often.  And technology is teaching me how to get over myself when I have to let go and let an eight year old troubleshoot something for me when the technology fails during a lesson.  It always starts with “you know, Mrs. Bush, if you just did….”.  Humbling and yet degrading at the same time.

Kids don’t have the same problem with this of course.  When someone has an issue, there are a a dozen others who say, oh, I know how to do that, and they proceed to teach each other what to do.  No fear, no embarrassment, no feeling of stupidity, just “thanks!  That’s cool!”.  Ok, maybe not “cool” but I can’t think of the word the kids are using these days.  The “no fear” thing is what really amazes me.  I’m always afraid I’m going to lose all my work or the laptop is going to explode.  I’m told this can’t happen, but they’ve obviously never seen me in a computer lab before.

I could have someone do it for me, but here’s the kicker.  I HATE not being able to do it myself.  So, as I sit here, I know that tomorrow morning, I’m going to go in again with fresh eyes and perhaps see things differently than I did today.  Because one of my goals for the summer is to update and get this silly blog out to more people.  And if my website stinks, it kind of defeats the purpose.  So not only do I need to figure it out, it has to really look good.

More irony comes in the form of my son who, you guessed it, is an IT guy.  He didn’t even have to go to school for it, he just KNOWS how to do things.  You should see it when he gets hold of any of my devices and starts with the “mom, you know you can do….” or mom, you really should do….”  This is when I do the panic stricken “don’t touch anything” plea because I’m afraid I won’t be able to continue to do what I’ve actually figured out if he messes with it.  Sure it may end up being more productive or less time consuming – for him, but if I have to figure out how to do things differently, it won’t be less time consuming for me.

The key to all of this is just to do things my way, of course.  Instructions should be step by step and very user friendly.  Like, in a “Website for Dummies” kind of way.  Do this and then this.  With pictures.  And I need to do it, because if I just watch someone do it I won’t remember.  Surely someone out there takes pity on poor technology impaired people like me.   I really am a pretty smart cookie, and not the kind of cookies on my computer.  I don’t even understand what they are.  Chocolate chip I get, these, not so much.

Anyway, enough ranting for this evening – I actually feel a little better now.  And tomorrow morning, I’m going to show this silly laptop who’s boss and try to look smart doing it.  Wish me luck!