Whenever someone begins to reminisce about the ’80’s I tend to jokingly say something about that being the decade I was having children and I don’t remember much.  It’s not far from the truth because as I look back on that time, I tend to think of it as my lost decade.  It was a time of floundering for me, no real direction in terms of my family, my career or my faith, merely doing what I thought I was supposed to be doing, and assuming that anything I had tried and failed at was a done deal.

Having quit college to go to work as a newlywed to a senior in college, I felt like both a failure and a grown-up.  After all, statistics say that someone who leaves college will likely never go back to finish, so I believed the statistics.  I had found a job that paid just enough to feed us and pay our meager rent and we had generous parents who provided some things along the way and I loved my new husband.  Maybe it wasn’t going to be so bad.

Several years and jobs later, I found myself pregnant with our first child.  We had not really planned to have a child yet, in fact, we didn’t tend to plan much of anything,  other than what revolved around band.  However, a family member/friend was expecting and so, by golly, I should be too.  Six weeks after her child was born, mine was born.  At 23, I was clueless, unprepared and trying to be the grown-up I was supposed to be.  I wandered through several other jobs, trying to figure out what I wanted to do but never really finding that thing I loved.  Four years later, son number two was born, nine months after my friend had her second child.  I thought that was what I was supposed to do.  I thought I would bring me fulfillment.

Unhappy and frustrated with the direction my life was going, I was living vicariously through anyone else who seemed to be enjoying their life, trying to make it mine.  For instance, I was staff for my husband’s band camps for years.  It was something I liked to do, but it was partly because it was the only way I would see him during marching season and it was the only way to do what I had wanted to do in terms of a career, but because I had left college, the dream was now gone.

In terms of my faith, I grew up in a family that did not attend church, but I was fortunate to have a friend who invited me and at 16 I became a Christian.  I met my husband, also a Christian, and followed him to his denomination.  I was baptized, for the second time and did my best to serve at church in a variety of ways.  Again, I was unprepared and clueless as to what real faith was.  When my second son was born prematurely, I questioned God and walked away from the church.  It didn’t take much because I don’t think I was doing it for me – I was doing what I thought others expected me to do.

In the latter part of the 80’s I began to take classes at the community college and loved it.  I met a teacher who taught me how to write and I have loved it ever since.  The success there spurred me on to transfer to a university where with now three boys, babysitters, a husband who was willing to commute, a Pell Grant and three years of work, I finished my degree and landed on the Dean’s List.  Again, it wasn’t pretty, but we made it and now I had this accomplishment under my belt and was beginning to find direction.  It took a couple of years to find a full time teaching position, but when I did I stayed for awhile. It would take many more years before I would begin to see where my dreams would take me, no longer living vicariously through others.

I share this because I find that people I associate with now are surprised that I took such a bizarre path to where I am today.  I did not initially get through school, I married young, I had children young, I worked everywhere from a donut shop to an insurance company making cold calls to being a secretary.  Many kinds of life experiences that I see now have prepared me to speak from a very practical point of view to people who maybe have not experienced this.  There are late bloomers in this world, late bloomers that if given the right encouragement, support and opportunities can make something of themselves and hopefully give back to their communities.

I could blame a lot of things for my path, but blaming is pretty useless in the long run and leaves us stuck in the past.  It was MY path, unlike any other and it has strengthened my family, my career and my faith.  It was not pretty and sometimes it was downright embarrassing, but I think it’s important to share these things because I know there are others out there like me, others who think they should have been just like everyone else when in reality, they needed to take their own path to grow into who they were meant to be.  It’s never too late to try again or try something new.

Do I wish I had followed a straighter, more conventional path?  Yes and no. I’m not sure I would be as grateful for where I am now if it hadn’t been for my earlier life experiences and I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have known who to be grateful to.  He knows the path He has for me and I’m doing my best to keep following it, grateful every step of the way.