Lisa Nichols is an author and public speaker whose video popped up on my Facebook feed today.  As a student, she was told she was the worst writer in her class and another teacher told her she should never do anything where she would have to speak publicly.  Interesting considering what she ended up doing for a living.  Why would any teacher ever try to discourage a student like that?

How hard is it to encourage someone?  How hard is it to find something that someone does well or recognize a wonderful character trait?  So many times people who discourage or criticize do it out of a misguided desire to be honest with someone, but depending on the person, the wrong words can set him/her up to not believe in themselves for the rest of their lives.  The more negativity they hear about themselves, the more they will believe it.  How hard is it to be just be honest in a positive way?

I’m not saying that we have to be dishonest with someone or build up a false sense of self esteem, but the old adage, if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything would work really well here.  In fact, I would take it a step further and say just say something nice – period.  There are always students in our classes who struggle academically, but everyone has something about them that is unique and special –  it’s how we were created. It’s our job to find that something special and bring it to that person’s attention, to encourage them to be the best they can be in whatever they choose to do.  To encourage them to shine their light.

As a child, I was told many times by someone that I was a failure, that I was clumsy, awkward and slow.  I took that into the classroom with me, wanting so badly to please to get some kind of recognition for anything I was trying to do.  Even as an adult, I still hear that voice in my head and it taints every decision I make.  Even though my head knows I’m doing pretty well now, the wrong words will take me right back to feeling like that child again.

As teachers, we have such a difficult job.  We need to be honest with students in order to help them learn, but we have to do it in such a way that it doesn’t discourage them from trying.  Kids know all too well what they struggle with and all it takes is for us to say the wrong thing for them to give up.  It’s already bad enough that we need to assign letters and numbers to their work for them to compare themselves to others.  And if they don’t do the comparison, their parents will.  A child is more than their grades on a report card.

So today, I listened to this incredible speaker on the video, the one who had the audience in the palm of her hand with her encouraging, empowering speech and I thought, what if she had believed what these teachers told her?  What if she had just found a job sitting at a desk by herself like she was told she should?  Imagine the lives that wouldn’t have been touched in a positive way because of her words.  Her story has a happy ending in that her faith helped her fight against what people said or thought about her.  Was she just lucky or was she meant to have this particular journey?

Would her message have been as powerful if she hadn’t been discouraged by her teachers?  I don’t know.  We like to hear about people who seemingly defy the odds.  We hear about those who are able to take negative words and turn them into a challenge and we look to them as an example of grit and perseverance.  And maybe some personalities need that kind of thing.  I would think you would have to know a person REALLY well to know that that particular strategy would work.  But why take the chance?

As I begin another school year, I need to remember this when my students do some crazy frustrating things, usually in the 3rd quarter.  You know what I’m saying, teacher friends. I need to remember to stay positive, to be honest but encouraging at the same time because I don’t want to be the reason a kid decides not to finish school or go to college or take that job.  I need to think first – why would I say that?