The sun is going down and none of the inside lights are on.  The air-conditioning has stopped running, there are no appliances running and there is only the sound of my fingers on the computer keyboard.  The only lights I can see are from the peephole in my front door, the computer screen and three digital clocks on the cable box, stove and microwave, all showing different times for whatever reason.  Sitting in the dark can be  a good thing or a bad thing depending on where my head is.  It allows me to ignore all of the “things” around me and focus only on my thoughts.

Some of my thoughts are focused on making an error in judgement today as a new grandma.  There’s a part of me that thinks, hey, I raised three kids, I’m a pro and then  there is the other part telling me, “you’re not the parent, don’t overstep your bounds”.  It’s a hard thing to learn especially when you haven’t been a grandparent for very long.

Some of my thoughts are on the fact that I went to school for several hours today and I don’t feel like I really got anything accomplished.  I hate that.  My goal is to have my room completely finished before Monday so I can just do paperwork/planning things next week.  Feeling a little bit of pressure, even though I’ve done this forever now.  School will begin whether I feel like I’m ready or not I suppose.

Other thoughts are about how yesterday was so much fun just hanging out with my husband for our anniversary just doing everyday things like going out for meals and a movie.  He has spent a great deal of his summer sitting the office writing marching band drill for other schools.  I mean like 15-16 hour days at the computer.  It’s not like I don’t have things to do, but I’m thinking I wish every day could be like yesterday.

My oldest turned 35 years old today.  Seriously, 35?  While I don’t feel older, the facts tell me differently.  Where did the time go?  It occurred to me yesterday that at this age, he is who he is.  While he may mellow out some as he ages, his philosophies of life and lifestyle are his, whether they would be my choices or not.  As I look at baby pictures of him, there’s no way I could have imagined him as a 35 year old married man, and those baby pictures don’t seem that long ago.

I’m thinking about the fact that I said no to a big project today and I feel good about that. I could feel my blood pressure rising as I was being told what that big project would entail and I dealt with that inner struggle of “sure, I could make this happen” and “OMG, I don’t have time to do this!”.  But for once, common sense won out.  Good for me for a change.

I’m thinking about a woman I admire who has risen from grief to write a book and do presentations to help those who may be going through something similar.  She has looked closely at the results of that book and has found that not only is it helping others to deal with hardship, but it has allowed others to look at their lives and families with more gratitude, learning how not to take things for granted, and celebrating life.  It is a reminder of the scripture that says – “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good.”  Even when it seems like nothing good will ever come out of it.

Sitting in the dark is a good thing, allowing me to recap the day in a thoughtful way, the good, the bad and the ugly.  It allows me to put things in perspective, not being distracted by things around me, but allowing me to think and have conversations with God, leaving me with the thought that I tried my best today, God is in control and tomorrow is another day.