The Trinity.  The Rule of Thirds in art.  A three legged stool.  We think of life in three parts; the past, the present and the future.  It is considered the number of perfection or completion.  Strength is sometimes described as a three braided cord.  It would seem that  perhaps one is not only the loneliest number, but the weakest as well.  Then why do so many of us work so hard to be that loneliest number?

This past week I had the opportunity to attend a wonderful conference and work in several groups on different projects and activities.  While I think the world of these people, this in not always in my comfort zone as I tend to want to do things alone.  However, there were times during the week where I needed help with some of the tasks being required.  This is where collaboration came into play.  I started to see where individuals within groups would begin to share their own strengths, or shall we call them “legs”, to prop up the stool for the group to be successful.  It truly became a team effort and there was a real feeling of accomplishment at the end.  Not an ego thing, but a celebration of what we can accomplish if we work together.  There were some “Ah Ha” moments that came with this discovery.

First, I’ve professed to being a fan of collaboration for a long time.  After all, what is an ensemble if not a group of people collaborating?  But are we really?  If we have a “director” standing in the front of the room telling everyone what to do, are the members of the ensemble actually collaborating?  Collaborating is, of course, working together, but is specifically to produce or create something.  If a director is telling the players what to do, where is the creation?

The problem with depending on only one director is that you’re having to depend on an imperfect person.  No one person is good at everything.  And while they have been trained in all of the intricacies of music, they may not have the necessary personal  experience to bring a certain emotion or meaning to the piece.  For so many directors, it becomes a misogynistic endeavor.  It’s MY group, it’s MY program.  You can live and die by that philosophy.  Having someone to collaborate with could eliminate the pressure of everyone’s success depending on you or their demise being all your fault.

How about those who isolate either by choice or circumstances?  They have no one to lean on because they are either the only musician in the building or maybe they are the entire music department in a small district or community.  I’ll be honest, I tend to isolate by choice, so yes, I try to be that one legged stool.  I like doing things my way in a control freak kind of way and I hate asking for help, but the consequence is that on occasion, I can’t keep the stool balanced and it falls over.

Of course, teaching is not the only one legged stool we try to balance.  Families are juggling kids and activities, spouses, jobs, emotions, stress, finances, and the list goes on.  Even if you are lucky enough to have a two legged stool with two parents, it is still not that strong three braided cord I related to earlier.  Asking for help from friends, neighbors, our church, and trained professionals  is seen as a sign of weakness and then we wonder why we see more and more kids and adults struggling with depression and other forms of mental illness.  The balance comes when we either add that third leg to the stool or stop chopping the legs off in an attempt to do everything ourselves.  The balance comes when we let people know we need help, that we need to collaborate, that we need to join our strengths in order to make things work.

This week, three people who are an integral part of hosting the conference I attended referred to themselves as that three legged stool.  It wasn’t as though the conference went off without a hitch – you could tell when something didn’t go just as planned, but because they had each other, they were able to join forces and figure it out together.  And as always, it was a marvelous, life infusing experience.

Even in my old age, I’m still learning.  Still learning to say no to doing too many things, admitting I don’t know everything and not trying to hide it, and that once in a while, I need to ask for help to balance the stool so that it doesn’t fall down.