Anna May Robertson Moses, or “Grandma Moses” as she was nicknamed, decided to begin her painting for real at the age of 78.  Laura Ingalls Wilder was 65 when “Little House in the Big Woods” was published. There are many stories of people who, for one reason or another, found themselves either changing careers or pursuing a passion much later than is usual.  Were they just late bloomers or was there a reason why waiting was the right thing for them?

I have often belabored the fact that I always seem to be behind.  Although I began school at 4 and graduated at 17, after that, things went south.  I saw all of my friends following through on their plans and pursuing college educations and careers, seemingly much more successful than I was and at the age they were “supposed to” do these things.  My own mother made it clear as we were attending my husband’s college graduation that if I hadn’t messed up, I too could be graduating.  And I did eventually graduate, with a husband and three children ten years later.  I always feel like I have to explain why for some reason when I tell people this, but as I’m getting older, I’m realizing that it just wasn’t time yet.

It took two years to get my first job after graduation, I’ve started three different master’s degrees and not finished any of them because other things got in the way or I lost interest.  Most of my colleagues/friends pursued theirs in a much more organized manner and finished in a reasonable amount of time.  I still feel like I have to explain why I don’t have mine, even though I have enough credits that I could be working towards a PhD at this point.

I think I’ve spent a lot of time looking at the past instead of the future, feeling sorry for myself and blaming all kinds of things for where I am.  It has taken years for me to consciously look ahead rather than behind, to focus on where I want to be and not where  I’ve been.  The problem was, I didn’t really know where I belonged.  It wasn’t time yet.

Today I finished doing a presentation at a conference and was told by a participant that I “knocked it out of the park”.  I’ve been getting a lot of great feedback lately, affirming feedback that tells me that maybe this is what I was waiting for.  Please don’t think that this is a bragging session here, I have analyzed this to death, trying not to rely on my feelings but to analyze the work I’m doing objectively.  Is it relevant, does it help people, can I keep an audience awake?  While “gut” feelings need to be taken seriously, sometimes feelings can get in the way of thinking analytically.  But today I found myself in a stall in the ladies room, doing a happy dance and a silent cheer because the joy I felt was more than I could handle and I’m beginning to think it’s finally time.  The past, while never fully gone, is far enough away that it’s not getting in the way and boy does it feel good.

Yes, a lot of my friends and colleagues have been focused and successful for a long time, but I cannot judge myself based on their timelines or their success.  Just like my students, I can only measure progress and continue to set goals.  It has taken a while, but with encouragement from family and friends, changes are taking place – all in good time.