When my kids were little, I set boundaries for them.  You can go outside and play but stay in the yard.  As they got older it was more like, you can go to your friend’s house, but be home by a certain time.  Later it was, give us a call and let us know where you are or how long you’ll be.  Boundaries were are way of keeping them safe but also a way of reassuring us that they were ok and those boundaries were adjusted as they grew older.  Did the boundary setting always work?  No, not always because we were dealing with people and people sometimes tend to do whatever they want to do, despite set boundaries.  But we tried.

For my kids at school I set boundaries behaviorally to keep them safe and to conform to school expectations.  I set boundaries as to how they are to handle and take care of instruments and equipment and how they are to treat me and each other.  I do this to help teach them how to be respectful and responsible.

In my own life, I set boundaries mostly out of fear. My boundaries keep me from doing  certain things because I am afraid of getting hurt or making a fool out of myself.  I didn’t delve into dating relationships because my boundaries would stop me before stepping into them too deeply.   I have set boundaries for family members and other people  because I don’t feel safe around them or don’t trust them.  But where I’m beginning to feel some frustration is that I’m discovering it’s really easy to set boundaries but those same boundaries KEEP you from things as well.

The last several weeks I have found myself feeling really frustrated and slightly depressed.  I have these big dreams and ideas which simultaneously keep me awake with excitement and scare me to death.  And those boundaries which I’ve put up to keep me safe are the same boundaries keeping me from my dreams.  I wish I had the words to describe how physically strong this longing is for me and yet right now, the boundaries I have set are stronger.  How do I tear down these strong, self-made boundaries to achieve my dreams?

So, here are my fears as I recognize them.  After many years of stumbling financially, as a couple we’re finally able to do some things in terms of lifestyle the we’ve always wanted to do.  Retiring, going back to school, working on a book, all of those dreams would change that lifestyle.  If it were just me, I don’t think it would be as big a thing, but I can’t just consider myself.  And I don’t want to go back to times when I was just scraping by again, even though we eventually made it through.

What if I get through a degree or write the book and I can’t get another job or nobody wants to publish what I’ve written?  Time wasted?  Nothing in life is guaranteed but can I afford to fail at this time in my life?  Are there life lessons I’m supposed to learn from this?  What is the difference between being practical and being afraid to take a leap of faith?  If these urgings to do other things are from God, and I don’t go through with them out of fear, then I am not living by faith.  “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen”.   Of course, having faith is one thing – acting upon that faith is another thing entirely.

I tend to use busy-ness as an excuse and then it’s so much easier to keep the status quo.  Just one more year and then I’ll retire.  I’ll just write in my spare time while I’m working instead of going into writing full time.  I can hold off another year to go back to school – what’s one more year, right?  However, a year can make all the difference in the world can’t it?  So many things can happen in the course of a year, things that can change your life.  Talking to a friend yesterday who is struggling with health issues, I was made more aware than ever how valuable time is and it just make my yearnings for adventure even more physical.

So, is it time to face the fear and destroy the boundaries originally designed to keep me safe?  Easier said than done but the fear of facing myself in 20 years not having attempted my dreams I think will be even harder.  Maybe it’s time to look for a sledgehammer?