One of the girls ran up to me on the playground, one of her shoes missing on a cold winter day.  “Mrs. Bush, the boys took my shoe and are tossing it around and I can’t get it”.  One of the boys saw her run to me and threw the shoe in her direction before running away.  Obviously it was all in play, but I asked the girls if they were happy about what the boys were doing, the answer of course being no.  “Well, go yell at them!” I said and off they went, gleefully yelling at the group of boys at the top of their lungs.  The boys, completely caught off guard, took off running with the girls right behind them yelling “girl power!!”.

Last night I went to the theater to see “On the Basis of Sex” about Ruth Bader-Ginsberg.  I was all ready to leave the movie feeling empowered and instead left feeling a little angry.    Here was a woman who was first in her class at both Harvard and Columbia, who was denied jobs as a lawyer because she was a woman, an attractive woman and a mother.   Even in the 70’s, the time of the great women’s liberation movement, she couldn’t do things without a man’s blessing or a man’s assistance.  The climate of the day was tumultuous, with one side fighting for equal rights (we’re still fighting) and the other fighting for what they believed was the very survival of the American family with women as wives and mothers or, if they worked, nurses, teachers and caregivers. The “natural order” of things.

As recently as the early 1990’s, I remember going to an interview where I was actually asked if I thought I could give the time I needed to do the job since I had three kids.  At my church I was told I could lead the choir if my husband would lead the congregational singing because I was a woman and women shouldn’t lead in church.  I led both, by the way.  When I meet with the other past presidents of my state music organization, I am one of only two women who have been a part of that esteemed group in its 80 year history.

I think where I get frustrated is that I don’t necessarily want women to take over the world, although it would be interesting to see what might happen, but I don’t want women to be afraid to try and I certainly don’t want men to purposefully get in the way.  On the other hand, I also don’t want women to be admitted or accepted or hired just because they’re women.  Each person, regardless of gender, should be considered on an equal basis, considering things like their education, skill level, or work ethic instead.  But until that happens, women will have to be smart, toughen up and not be afraid to say what they need to say when they need to say it, not worrying about what people think of them.

One of the things I did very much appreciate about the film was the relationship between Ruth and her husband Martin.  From the very beginning they supported each other whether it was going to school, their careers, raising their children or taking care of the household.  They encouraged and praised each other.  I too am fortunate enough to have a partner who shares the duties of the home, who loves and supports me and our kids and supports and encourages me in all of my endeavors.  He’s there if I need him but will step back if I want to do something by myself.  I try to do the same for him.

I think it’s important to encourage our young women to stand up for themselves, to expect to have a partner who is just that – a partner – if they CHOOSE to even have a partner.  They should be taught that a real man respects women and treats them with kindness, not in a patronizing way.  And if some boy takes your shoe away, don’t go running to someone else for help, run right at them and yell!