Parent/teacher conferences are not my favorite thing.  It’s not that I don’t want to speak to parents, but it is a long evening or two after a long day of teaching.  In my journey as a teacher, I have experienced several different seasons of life.  As a beginning teacher I already had young children and the parents of my students and I were either contemporaries or slightly older. I was unsure of myself as a parent and here I was trying to assess other peoples’ children.  I was more concerned with my curriculum and grades than I was about the child and it showed in the relationships I had with parents.

As I have grown older, the parents of my students have become younger.  Many of the parents I speak to now are the age of my own children and their children the age of my grandchildren.  I have had the opportunity to raise my children and see that despite the storms of life and all things being imperfect that my kids turned out alright.  It’s still important for me to share things like standards, curriculum and assessments with these parents but I’m beginning to see that it’s much more important to reassure young parents that their child is going to be okay.

These are parents who care.  They have their children involved in outside activities, they make sure they do their homework, they make sure to visit with teachers to verify that their children are doing what they are supposed to do.  And as much as they want to be reassured that their children are doing ok, I think they want to be reassured that they’re doing ok as the parent.

Finding something positive to say about someone’s child isn’t hard and it could be just the thing they need to hear.  Sure, their child speaks out a lot but that just means she’s a go getter.  Yes, the child wants to be in charge but that means that have the makings of a leader.  Siblings not getting along?  They’ll grow out of it and be best friends one day.  A “2” on a report card just means your child is still learning.  They’ll get it at their own pace.  Besides, they’re a great kid.

In a culture where everyone is comparing their children and their accomplishments with every other child, it’s important to reassure parents that their child is an individual, a person with unique gifts and a purpose.  Not every child is going to progress at the same pace or excel in all subjects.  If you believe as I do, each child is created as a unique human being, each with skills and passions to make the world a better place.  As a parent, it’s important to get to know your child and help direct them to be kind and respectful, to be hard working and humble.  The rest will come.

I have to admit that this last season of teaching makes parent teacher conference a little less stressful.  Instead of just focusing on  grades, assessments and curriculum, I can spend a little more time focusing on the child and reassuring their parents that they’re going to be just fine.