I don’t answer “what if?” questions.  Kids love asking “what if” questions and that usually leads to an impasse or a smart remark from me, keeping in mind, of course, the level of seriousness of said “what if” question.  For instance, we’re getting ready to do a little 3rd grade play.  The question is “what if the lead gets sick the night of the play?”.  My response is “they won’t”.  “But what IF?”,  they insist.  “They won’t”, I repeat.  Everyone shows up to do the play.  It just doesn’t happen.  And honestly that’s the way if goes.  One time I even had a kid who had broken his arm after school, had it wrapped up and showed up that night to do the play.  A bit extreme I will agree but they just don’t miss.

But then there are the serious “what if” questions.  “What if a bad man breaks into our room at school?”.  My first answer is usually not to worry about it because if they just do what I tell them to do, it is my job to keep them safe.  That’s a lot of pressure on me but I believe it’s my job.  Of course, I have kids who want details.  “But, what if they get IN?”.  Well then, I will have to beat them with the boomwhackers.  It usually gets a laugh and then I reassure them that I have worked with other teachers and have thought out what we have and should do in my room and I will take care of them.  It’s a tough “what if” question, but then, life is full of “what ifs”.

I had breakfast out with my middle son this morning and I found myself looking at him thinking what if.  As a preemie, he had to be transferred to a hospital that could handle him 45 minutes away and on the way he stopped breathing.  What if he had been born 100 years ago?  What if the EMT in the ambulance hadn’t brought him back?  What if I hadn’t had the opportunity to get to know him as a young man?  It’s very unsettling to think that with just a change of time or personnel or circumstance that everything in my life would be different.

What if we had stayed in Ohio instead of moving to Nebraska?  Would we have been as happy?  Would our kids have done better or worse in school?  Who would they have met for their spouses?  Would my husband and I still be together?  It was just one long move that not only changed my life but the lives of my little nuclear family and all of those friends and family around us.  Sometimes the “what ifs” are haunting.

What if I had spent more time with either of my parents before they passed?  Would it have mattered or would the relationships have remained the same?  What if I had spoken up more often when things just weren’t right between all of us?  Would it have mattered or would there still be estrangement?  What if I hadn’t been afraid to speak up?

It’s not just the big things that matter of course.  Sometimes it’s the small things that are the most powerful. What if I hadn’t forgotten to send a card to someone who needed it or sent a text or called to check on them?  What if I had stopped to give money to a homeless man like my son did this morning?  What if I loved someone even though I disagreed with them?  What if I forgave the unforgivable like I would hope someone would forgive me?

Sometimes a “but what if” can combat a “what if” especially if it’s pessimistic.  “What if I can’t do this?”  But what if you COULD?”.  Sometimes a “what if” can be a dream or a new creation, a new way of thinking or a solution to something.  But even these positive approaches can come after something negative has happened or there needs to be a change, usually leading to that “but what if”.  I’m actually more convinced that “what if” stops more dreams than creates them.

The problem with most “what ifs” is that they tend to focus on the past and quite frankly there’s nothing I can do about that.  And so many times “what ifs” in the present or future focus on worries.  So what if we changed the “what if” to “how about”?  How about I eat a salad instead off this burger? (my friends can stop laughing now).  How about I just stop and rest when I need to?  How about I stop worrying about the future and just trust God?  How about I think about others more often than myself?  How about I take advantage of the time I have to explore more, learn more, meet more interesting people and have more adventures?  How about I tell my friends and family how much I love and appreciate them?  How about we just live instead of asking what if we die?

Now it’s time to say how about I get off my behind and do something fun and/or productive today!