I should know better.  I usually scroll through social media just to find the funny stuff or things about music but I stopped to read something about the Notre Dame fire.  A very sad story to me, just because I have a particular interest in beautiful art and architecture.  I do not have a connection through my heritage or my religion, but I feel sympathy for those who do.  However, in this particular post, people were on each other’s case for feeling sad about this event because they were neither French nor Catholic and therefore shouldn’t be so upset.  After all, it’s just a building right?

Empathy is the ability to share and understand the feelings of someone else. Chances are I have experienced the same thing and can therefore empathize with that person. Sympathy is feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else’s misfortune.   As a society, I believe we’ve downgraded our feelings of sympathy and empathy.  If I am not African American or Muslim, for instance, I can’t really feel any sympathy for something they’re going through or dealing with.   If I have never lost a child or been abused or any number of things, it seems my feelings for others have no validity because I just don’t understand or I have never been through exactly what they have been through.  Sometimes I think due to all of our labeling and separation of people into categories that we forget the common factor.  We’re all human beings and therefore share human experiences and feelings.

Maybe it’s because we’re really good at saying we sympathize with someone but we never add doing something to the feeling of sympathy.  I feel great sympathy for the flood victims in my state but unless I do something to help, does my sympathy mean anything?    I do know that when someone has sympathy for me personally it lets me know that they care.  They may not completely understand what I’m going through but they care about ME and it has produced feelings somehow in them.  I don’t ridicule the person because they have no idea what I’m going through – they’re trying to be kind.  There just seems to be so little kindness these days.

What I’m not sure I understand is when people get angry when you empathize or sympathize with someone like you shouldn’t care.  We live in a world where we isolate on our devices, where we speak to people we’ve never met on social media with such disdain and hatred , like most of us would never do if we were to see them face to face, and we somehow decide that what we feel and think and know is SO special that nobody could possibly understand and how dare you if you insinuate that you do.

We talk about random acts of kindness like it’s a big deal and it shouldn’t be.  If we were sympathetic to others, we would be showing random acts of kindness all the time.  It’s not hard, it’s human and we should see and allow more of it.  We argue about whose lives matter most and become angry if it’s not the right lives.  Is it because some people’s lives matter more than others?  And who decides that?  And what if I’m not one of those lives?  Do I and others in the select group or groups no longer deserve any sympathy or empathy?

Personally, I want to be able to cry when someone else cries, I want to hug them when they need a hug or feel my heart break for someone whose heart is breaking.  I also want to laugh when they laugh and experience life with them.  That’s what makes us human and not politically correct automatons.  To the people of France and those whose hearts were broken by this fire, I share a small bit of your sadness and offer my sympathy to you.