The little guy in the high chair was maybe 18 months old.  This is the age where you bring snacks to tide the child over until the actual food gets there and several toys to keep them occupied.  However, this child had neither of these.  His young parents sat on either side of him having a quiet conversation with the child watching them.  Occasionally the child would say something and what I noticed was that one or both of the parents very quietly paid attention, made eye contact and responded.  This continued throughout their meal with the child using his spoon as best he could, imitating his parents, and joining the conversation.  Did I mention there were no screens at the table?

Today I saw a video of another child and his dad, the child old enough to sit up and speak in nonsense syllables, watching something together on the couch.  Instead of just watching, the two were having a great conversation, the dad reacting to every nonsense word with expression, having fun, but taking the child seriously.  You should see how the child gestures, imitates facial expressions, makes eye contact and believes he is talking because the dad is fully engaged.  This is how children learn language, by imitation.  It’s also the way they learn how to build relationships – not by just sharing something they saw or read on a screen, but by being fully engaged with another human being.

Now granted, these may be two naturally compliant children, and having raised three in the same house, I can tell you, not all children are compliant.  However, expectations and  inclusion in family activities at a young age can be taught when we aren’t throwing screens in front of kids.  This coming from a mom who got breaks from the craziness of child rearing by throwing a video into the VCR.  (You young people can look that up).  I get it – sometimes parents need a break.  But how hard is it to put down the screen or limit the screen time to get to know each other a bit?

Apparently it’s really difficult.  I’ve seen entire families on screens when they go out to eat.  Again, guilty as charged.  My husband and I are working to keep the phones put away when we go out.  After all, every text or email we get is not earth shattering.  It can wait for a little while, and even after 40 years, there is still more to learn and love about each other.  That’s the beauty of building relationships – as we develop as people, our relationships grow and change as well – IF we stay away from the screens.

The parents I talked about in the two stories were what we might label millennials, and if they’re the example of this generation, I’m encouraged.  While I still see some adults locked into their screens while their children walk 10 feet behind them in a parking lot, my hope is that most are becoming aware that too much screen time is bad for everyone and that spending quality time talking to, playing with and working beside their children will help them grow into great adults who know how to speak and listen to others and develop meaningful face to face relationships.

Where my concern lies now is within our schools, where technology is no longer a tool but a way of teaching, to the point where I believe that developing a relationship between teacher and student becomes more difficult.  We’re raising a generation of information getters and not knowledge seekers.  When information is available at the press of a button, why would I have to learn it?  Programmed curriculum and assessments get in the way of getting to know individual children, having deep questioning, conversation and debates.  You see, sometimes, some of these really deep discussions have little to do with the subject matter itself, but how it relates to people, how to collaborate and build relationships with them.  There’s not a computer out there that can out think a group of teachers having a deep conversation about the welfare of a child or a group of children making discoveries and coming to their own conclusions.  That again is the beauty of working with others and building those relationships.

As I said, as we develop as people, there are goals to be set and changes to be made.  Working to really make eye contact with my family and my students and listening to them, not getting lost in the busyness of of my life is certainly a life goal.  Maybe it’s time to limit or eliminate the screens from our children’s lives, return to the work of building relationships and look them in the eye.