It was one of those posts that caught my eye as I was rapidly scrolling through my Facebook feed. Yes, I do that more often than I would like to admit.  The picture was of a beautiful mountainous area where all you saw were the person’s feet, obviously relaxing after a hike.  But it was the words that hit me hard; “I saw this post that said “Self-care is creating a life you don’t routinely have to escape from”, and I can’t stop thinking about it.”

In my parents’ and grandparents’ day, there was no such thing as “self care”.  It usually meant someone had gone off to “find themselves” and my dad especially would laugh with something like, how did they lose themselves?  Looking back on it now, I wish my mom had done some self care, because like most things, if you don’t take care of yourself first, it’s difficult to take care of others.  Sacrificing oneself out of love for another is one thing, but to do it to the point where it drains you completely is simply dangerous for both parties involved.  But those generations prided themselves on their “pull yourself up by your bootstraps mentality” and seemingly never ending resilience, which is great – until the bootstrap breaks.

But life is just – life.  Right?  You work hard at your job and raising a family and creating a home and all the minute by minute logistics that go with that and hopefully once in a while you run away for a couple of days or a week, rejuvenating yourself enough (hopefully) so that you can make it until the next break.  But does it have to be that way? What would it look like for our lives to be a place where we never wanted to escape from and how could we make that happen?  Does it take a lot of time or money to accomplish that?  Or does it just take some dreaming and a leap of faith?  Or maybe it’s just rearranging some priorities.

It has been a while since I first saw this post and I’ve been thinking about it off and on since then.  What kinds of things/places do I run away to?  Why do I go there?  What is it about my every life that makes me feel like I want to run away?  Well, for a lot of us it may be an unfulfilling career or job, or maybe a job you’ve just outgrown.  So many of us stay in the same type of position for many years, perhaps thinking we have no other choice.  And yet as a person we continue to grow, so why wouldn’t we eventually outgrow things we do or places we live?

What is it about those places we run away to?  For me it’s exploring new places, eating great food, spending quality time with my husband or family or just a place to get away from the hustle and bustle and slowing down.  It usually doesn’t mean stopping completely because I’m pretty sure I would be bored in about 5 minutes, but getting away from a rigid schedule and allowing me some flexibility.  These things are all certainly do-able on a daily basis, but that would entail making changes – and change is HARD.  But if it meant feeding myself, providing that self-care so that I could care better for others and maybe change my little piece of the world, would it be worth it?  Would it be worth it to improve my health and lessen my stress level?  It sounds great in theory, but would I, CAN I make myself change what I am accustomed to make life more livable?

But self care isn’t just about my job or career.  It’s the little every day things in life.  Getting enough sleep, healthy eating, exercising – and making it something I LIKE and not something I feel like I have to do.  It’s stepping away from the toxic, negative people in your life, and taking time to appreciate the small, beautiful things.  It’s doing the silly frivolous thing instead of the serious thing when you can, creating simple memories of the fun stuff.  It’s surrounding yourself with the things and people you love, the colors, textures and scents that feed you, creating as much of a sanctuary as you can in the spaces where you live.

In the last several years I’ve worked to do that, making my personal spaces beautiful and comfortable, making them places I look forward to being.  It doesn’t have to be expensive – collecting your favorite photos, a beautiful flower in a simple vase, a cup of your favorite tea or glass of wine.  It doesn’t mean I don’t still have to load the dishwasher or wash a load of clothes, but I can certainly take a few minutes to decompress in a beautiful space.  So maybe I can’t quit my job and move to Key West right now to be a writer like Hemingway, but I can create a space where I am right now that allows me to take time to be creative.

So, what kind of life do you want to create and how can you take steps to make it happen?  A life where you can regularly fill your bucket and make things better, not only for yourself but for everyone around you.