A few days ago I had a delightful lunch with a couple of great friends.  Over a three hour lunch of Mexican food, we discussed many things – our kids, schedules, going back to school – the usual stuff.  Then we began talking about behavior, first at school and then in general. One of my friends told us a story of how patients speak to her daughter, using insulting or inappropriate language and with a sigh said, I guess this is just the way it is now.

It does seem that way.  Everywhere we go we hear people talking about others using derogatory language.  I wish I could say I never do that but I have to admit that I too get sucked into the negativity. We can’t seem to just disagree with someone, we have to HATE them if they don’t think the same way we do.  They’re idiots or a–holes or worse.  From commentators on the “news” to friends around the table, very few people seem to be able to speak in a civil manner about anyone anymore.  We’re critical, hateful, insulting and rude.  Is this just the way our culture has become?  Does it have to stay this way, or worse yet, fall deeper in the pit?  Or can we find a way to turn it around?  It certainly seems to be an impossible task.

The answer here of course is to have courage.  Courage for all of us to take the chance to speak our minds, to express our thoughts about whatever the subject might happen to be from our personal perspective.  Perception is reality as they always say and we perceive things based on our personal experiences.  No two people’s experiences are the same and yet we expect everyone to think the same.  No two people’s passions are the same and yet we expect everyone to care about the same things we do.  We are encouraged to be individuals and yet think like everyone else.  It’s much like that in education – differentiation as long as we all behave the same way in the classroom.  But I digress.

I have friends on both sides of the aisle.  I think I have most of those friends because I tend to keep my mouth shut about topics that I know are volatile.  Chances are, considering the current culture, if one side or the other knew my thoughts and perspectives I would lose half of them.  It makes me sad.  After all, I still like all of those friends on both sides.  I may not agree with them, but that doesn’t keep me from caring about them.  Isn’t that the way it’s supposed to be? I will admit that I tend to walk away, at least for a short time, from those friends as well as any media who occasionally become toxic.  The hate spewing from them is literally like a knife cutting through me, sometimes sending me into a depression because of all the negativity.  Does anyone else feel that way?

So how do we change the culture?  Do the people who hate even WANT to change it?  Or do they enjoy spewing the harsh critical language?  Does it make them feel better somehow?  Does it make them feel more important?  Or is it hiding a fear or insecurity of some kind?  Again, I think the answer is courage.  Courage to sit down face to face and talk.  Getting away from screens, away from listening to commentators and listening to one another.  Talking about how to make things better instead of whining about how awful things are.  This isn’t sweeping things under the rug, it’s constructive conversation, looking for answers instead of looking for blame.  Do we really want to raise our kids and grandkids in this kind of environment?

Is our culture right now just the way it’s destined to be?  If not, what can you and I do right now to change it?  Do I have the courage?