“The research says” seems to be the most powerful phrase in education today.  One of those pieces of research is one that touts the results from what is called “the power of 4:1” positive interactions.  The research says this particular methodology will establish an effective classroom environment where specific positive feedback is used that describes behavior and uses rationales.  It sounds great on paper and with kids who tend to be compliant in the first place, I’m sure this works well.  But sometimes I wonder how long it has been since the researcher has actually stepped into a classroom to teach real children.  Is all positivity all the time a good thing?

I am all for encouraging kids, highlighting those times when I see grit and great effort and congratulating them.  I love kids.  I want the best for kids.  I want them to grow up to be kind, hardworking people who are an asset to their communities.  And sometimes, I need to have a little come to Jesus discussion with them and make them feel uncomfortable to bring about needed change.  I am told not to be punitive and yet I need to prepare children for a world that can be incredibly punitive if they cannot heed authority and follow the rules.  How do I create a safe place to learn that also prepares them for the dangers of the real world?  Sometimes I need to make them uncomfortable.

In the current educational environment where adults are discouraged from “disciplining” children, more and more of our children are figuring out that teachers have been made all but powerless.  With more and more disrespect in the classroom,  and teachers who are afraid to be honest with children due to a perceived lack of job security, the opportunity to make children uncomfortable in an effort to prepare them for real life has been taken away.  If a child is not taught to respect their teacher, one of the people preparing them for life, how in the world do we expect them to treat each other or any other authority in their lives with respect?  Especially if they are not made to feel bad enough to change.

In churchy language, it’s called being convicted.  That feeling or knowledge you get that you know you’ve done the wrong thing and need to change or make amends.  Sometimes it takes reading something, or witnessing something or someone telling you truth in a kind but firm way.  It’s that inner voice that tells you you’ve messed up or something isn’t right and that you need to ask forgiveness and turn about or, again in churchy language, repent.  It’s when you say I’m sorry and your actions show that you mean it.  People don’t just make a major change in their life because they feel good.  People tend to want to keep the status quo when it feels good.  They feel the need to change when something feels bad or wrong.  And sometimes, when the person is young, that bad feeling needs to be initiated or encouraged by a caring adult.

So, do I have quantitative research to back this up?  No, but I have qualitative life experience.  I’ve watched families and kids for decades and the lessons I’ve learned from those observations have been stored in those files in my brain.  My old school brain as I’m sure some of my younger colleagues would say.  Those colleagues who have taught for less than 10 years, the colleagues who have not yet had children of their own.  Time teaches it’s own lessons and if peoples minds are open, they’ll learn quite a bit of those life experiences.

Personally I’ve always learned more from the negative experiences in my life than the positive.  Not that I don’t appreciate the positive and enjoy them, but the life changing times in my life, many times come when I’ve had a tough life lesson, sometimes brought about from my own actions, sometimes just brought about by life.  As a teacher, I feel it’s my job to prepare kids for all aspects of life, and so setting up achievable expectations in my room and having fair consequences in place is a way to teach kids that every action brings about a reaction and that they need to be thoughtful about how they speak and react and behave in my classroom.

I was fortunate to have many teachers in my life who made me accountable for my actions and let me know when I screwed up.  They were the same teachers who came to me later and talked about why I screwed up and how I could make things better.  Because they cared.  Like I care.  Enough to sometimes make life a little uncomfortable for my students when they need it to learn.