Every newscast, every webpage and website, every meeting, every place we’re allowed to go.  Everything’s coming up Covid.  People are creating songs and parodies about it, they’re dancing and singing and playing instruments during quarantine because of it.  A wonderful thing, but we could be doing that without Covid.  Or we should have been doing it.  I’m ready to do those things without it.

Don’t get on me yet – I know I have first world problems.  My internet speed is too slow to keep up with all of the zoom meetings and lesson planning and video making and webinars that run all day at our place.  I actually had a slight panic attack yesterday when the internet went out because of things that were due in the next day or so and I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to get it done.  Do you see what I’m saying here?  I’m afraid of having no internet, but I’m not afraid of Covid.

I don’t think I’m crazy.  I’m wearing gloves to pick up take out orders.  First world problems.  Do I really NEED to wear gloves?  It’s the first time in my life where I find myself wondering if the person who prepared my food washed their hands.  I think I’ve always been kind of ho hum about all that hand washing.  I’m educated, I understand the science behind the importance of  hand washing. After all, I raised three dig in the dirt, dig in their noses, dig up the dead deer antlers in the woods, kind of boys.  And yes they washed their hands – I’m pretty sure they did, anyway.  I’ve taught snotty, sneezy, phlegm filled, show me their loose teeth and scabs kids for 30 years.  Washing hands?  When I remind them.  It’s obviously important, it’s just never been thrust in my face like this before.  Ok , the snotty hands have, right before they give me a big hug. .

Do I get sick often?  Not really.  I catch a cold now and then and once in a very long while I get respiratory flu or even less frequently, and even less pleasant version.  I’m lucky. Did I come in contact with a kid, mine or someone else’s or a friend who had it?  Probably.  I wasn’t afraid I would catch it, although apparently I’m getting old enough to be concerned and I certainly understand that I don’t want to give anything to others.  However, it wasn’t something I wondered or worried about; “what if I catch this”?  “What if I get really sick?”  “What if I die?”  “What if I give this to someone else?”  We’re human beings.  We catch things.  People get sick.  Some get really sick.  I can’t live my life being afraid of the “what ifs”.  That’s not living.  But it’s only for a short time, right?  We just need to be patient.  For the next month.  Or 6 months.  Or 18 months.

Am I being insensitive to those who are suffering?  I’m really trying not to be.  Not that I haven’t seen suffering in a hospital, but most of this is beyond my imagination because I don’t know anyone who is dealing with this.  Are they suffering more than friends who are dealing with cancer treatments and amputations and heart attacks and strokes and aneurysms? I don’t know.  I’ve stayed in for nearly all the time we’ve been asked to.  Doug is our designated shopper once a week.  We go out for drives and stay in our car going through the park.  I wear my gloves when I handle things and wash hands afterwards.  I even wear a homemade mask on occasion.  I just can’t live like this.

Can we just not keep hearing about it everywhere?  How many cases, how many have died, how many people who mocked Covid who have died and how it served them right, how many frustrated people are speaking their minds in groups, how many people are judging those people speaking their minds in groups.  How many people together is too many, how soon is too soon, how old is too old.  Nobody knows.  Even the doctors and scientists can’t agree on everything.  The numbers differ depending on who is providing them.  I’m talking about the CDC and governing bodies, not, as I’ve heard people complain about, uneducated people on social media. There are too many variables.  Does it make a difference how densely populated a place is?  Probably.  Does it matter what people do for a living?  What about pre-existing conditions?  A newborn who died may not have any.  A 103 year old who survives – who knows.  We can’t find patterns where perhaps there are none.  And in the meantime, everything’s coming up Covid.

Maybe it’s too much information?  Maybe it’s to inform us, maybe it’s to scare us?  Maybe it’s to control us?  Maybe, maybe, maybe….  It’s so hard to know people’s intentions.  I tend to be a person who looks at at all sides of a situation before making a decision.  I also tend to be pretty pragmatic.  I can be a compliant team player.  I’m just not sure this time.  Maybe it’s the frustration, maybe a little bit of fear about our economic future, maybe I just don’t like being told what to do.  I can be that way.  Yes, I care about people but I can also care about other aspects like jobs and businesses for those people who aren’t as fortunate as I am.  I have a job I can do from home.  I still get paid.  I can’t get my hair or nails done.  First world problems.  Maybe it’s having too much time to think.  Especially when everything’s coming up Covid.