As each car paused, it became just a tiny bit harder to breathe.  A combination of pride and sadness, so hard to explain in my own mind and even harder to utter.  The procession, led by a police car with another that zipped ahead to stop traffic coming across the procession, moved slowly to the gravesite.  I had forgotten how in the south,  everyone on the opposite side of the road voluntarily comes to a respectful stop and allows the procession to travel unimpeded to that final resting place.  It is beautiful and sad at the same time.

There is nothing like funeral rituals for a loved one to bring so much into perspective.  It’s where you see the strengths and weaknesses of the families and friends involved, and it’s where you vividly see the impact one life can have on others.

My father-in-law worked hard and played hard, had high expectations for himself and others and yet he took time to mentor others in the things he loved and did well.   Opinionated, to say the least, he had no problem sharing his thoughts on all the subjects others sometimes try to avoid, but he certainly didn’t leave you out to dry if you disagreed with him.  He may not have understood your point of view or agreed with you, but it didn’t mean he didn’t love or care for you.

The impact he had was obvious as all of his kids, grandkids and great grandkids with their spouses all made the trek to pay their final respects.  It’s an odd time for sure as everyone was asked to wear a face mask, something I’m sure would have made him crazy.  The masks made for some funny stories as apparently some aunts made a rush for a visitor with big hugs, thinking she was someone else, and someone thought my husband was my dad which makes me think that maybe wearing my mask  wasn’t so bad.

The funny stories continued as secrets were shared, the one about the huge fish that got away made its way around a couple of times amid past trip stories and memories of times gone by too quickly.  Family and friends rallied around, providing tables and chairs to set up at a social distance in the back yard and more food than even this army of family could eat.  The next door neighbor dropped by with a ham and all the fixings for sandwiches, another sent homemade potato soup, another homemade danish for breakfast.  The phone keep ringing and the knocks on the door continued as people who knew my father-in-law wanted to show they cared, share comfort food (we are southerners after all) and share kind words about him.

An avid fisherman, it was no surprise that the spray of flowers on the casket had a fish in them and there was a picture of a fisherman in a boat on the inside, with a single lure placed by his side.  Specific dominoes were chosen by family members to place in the casket, each having their own personal meaning, but reflecting his love for the game, as well as his competitiveness.  As much as he hated losing, I think he appreciated a smart opponent. The service was full of people, the message of salvation simple, the promise of everlasting life lifted in word and song, the final goodbyes emotional.

A funeral is an awful reason to have to gather together, but it was wonderful to see friends and family.  My brother and a friend took time from their busy lives and drove up to see me and pay respects.  We all had the opportunity to catch up with family and friends we hadn’t seen in years and it was wonderful watching my kids catching up with their cousins.  For a while I just watched my sons with great pride, so adult, so kind, loving and thoughtful.  You just can’t ask for anything better than that.

And then there was Charline.  Charline is 86 years old and I met her over the phone the night before the visitation because I had been asked to sing and she was going to play piano.  As she informed me, her legs didn’t work so well anymore, but her fingers were just fine.  She asked what I was thinking about singing, we talked and said we would meet an hour before the funeral.  The afternoon of the funeral, in she walked, using a cane that she referred to as her “third leg” and she set up all her music on the piano, putting it in order for the pre-service, service and post service.  She had her stuff together, let me tell you.  On top of that, she’s probably one of the finest accompanists I’ve every had, following me to a tee, even looking up to me to watch my phrasing, just as musical as she could be.  And yes, her fingers moved just fine, just like she said they would.  What an opportunity to meet someone like Charline.  Just the person I needed to help me concentrate on the music and not on who the music was for, for just a little bit.

The image of so many strangers pulling over for the procession stays with me today.  It is just one of many reminders that simple kindness, love and respect go a long way in this world.  At a time when the whole world seems to be going sideways, even through the sadness, we were witness to the heaven this world could be if we all could just focus on kindness and respect driven by love.