The little diner on the state highway has obviously seen better days, but it’s a go-to spot for many people, including my son and his friends, 24 hours a day.  The short order, no nonsense menu makes it a comfortable place for locals and travelers alike.  As my son and a friend were going through the line to place their orders, a couple of people sitting nearby looked straight at my son and without blinking an eye said out loud, “F…in’ Isis”.

As my son was relating this story to us, he laughed at the ignorance of the person saying it.  Yes, my son has big hair and a big beard, especially if he hasn’t been to a barber for awhile, but Isis?  Really?  Did this person make this assumption solely based on the beard?  Apparently.  And while my son found the story funny, the more I thought about it, the more it bothered me.  Who did this person think he was, judging my son the way he did and secondly, what if he had acted upon that judgement?  Fortunately, the man apparently was more bark than bite but it has caused me to think about the culture in this country where instant judgements are made just by looking at someone.

Of course, the more I thought about this, I realized that I too first judge people by how they look.  I immediately place them into certain categories, ranging from socio-economic, educational, country of origin – you get the idea, without knowing their story.  The sad part to admit is that while I would NEVER say something to a person’s face,  in my heart and mind, I am still judging based on nothing that has to do with them as a person.  Whether it’s something I was taught as a child or something I just do, the fact is that I, just like the obnoxious guy at the diner, tend to quickly judge people by how they look.

Why judging on the visual instead of something else?  It’s quick and easy, just the way our culture likes it.  We’re always in such a hurry that we seldom stop and take the time to sit down, talk and get to know people who are not in our usual social or work group on a deeper level.  Is it because we hesitate to reciprocate?  After all, getting to really know someone is an investment of time and we’re all just so busy!  But investments can reap great rewards if we’re willing to give up some of the time we’re so afraid of losing.

Then I go back to this person who misjudged  my son and it sounds an awful lot like fear and anger to me.  While we’ll never know why, something in this person’s past brought out this comment.  Was it brought on by his upbringing, the media, or a personal experience?  Was someone unkind or did someone scare him?  We’ll never know, but he left that diner with the same ignorance that he walked in with, to judge someone else at a later time.  While he words were abhorrent, again, I’m judging if I’m looking at this reaction and comment based on nothing more than a story.  Just labeling this person as stupid or placing a political value on someone is not helping – it only separates us further. It’s not until we understand the underlying ‘WHY’ that we’ll begin to make real change.  Otherwise, the confrontational behaviors will just continue.

I don’t have all the answers of course – I leave that up to people who are at a higher pay grade.  All I can do is keep listening, learning and taking the time to get to know people better before I make any kind of judgement call. This means doing some soul searching to see where I can change to do better in all areas of my life.  It means that kindness should be my first action and reaction to people.  And perhaps I should stop fussing about that big ole’ messy beard on my son’s face.  After all, it’s a part of the young man I love.