Looking back, I’m not even sure how we got there.  We had chosen a chalet in Gatlinburg TN as the place for our honeymoon, maybe through a brochure, a relatively easy drive from Lexington, KY and since we had been on band trips on school buses to the area, we both just naturally assumed we would “find” it.  We didn’t foresee the construction that would send us in the opposite direction we should go, taking us around the other side of Smokey Mountain National park.  In 1980 there was no check in to the house with a code.  No, we had to bother the poor lady for the key at her house around 11:00 p.m.  At the end of this four day honeymoon, we drove home with enough money to buy a Frosty and the next day Doug left for a week to teach a band camp. This was the beginning of our married lives and a perfect snapshot of what our life was to become.

Those who know us now see a couple who have worked and fought and cried and prayed our way through major life events, life decisions, loneliness, jobs and everything in between. Two twenty year old kids who decided they couldn’t wait one more year to marry so one of us could graduate, who cried in the car when summer came and we would be 80 miles apart, who called each other on the phone for hours (when long distance actually cost something, and wrote letters every day.  Surely two twenty year olds who felt that way would live happily ever after, right?  The problem is that life gets in the way.  Perhaps happily ever after looks a little different than the fairy tale.

We’ve seen friends over the decades who have divorced after a few years and those who have divorced after decades.  We’ve silently helped one partner move out and we’ve sat with friends who were struggling in their marriages.  Sometimes we commiserated in that struggle.  As Doug put his whole being into the thing he loved most – his work – sometimes I questioned staying.  I was lonely, I was trying to raise three boys, working full time and it felt like too much.  There was never enough money, enough time, enough energy.  At the same time he was working and struggling with aspects of that job he loved so much and we weren’t talking.  Twenty years ago, halfway through our marriage, it was a disaster in the making.

Sometimes things happen that turn your world upside down and you have to make a choice.  I can’t speak for others, but I’m pretty sure God steps in when you need Him and boy, did we.  Our 700+ mile move with three school age kids made no logical sense but it  came at a time when we completely agreed that this was the right move.  Much like that honeymoon, we weren’t really sure where we were going, we showed up with very little money and we kicked right into work. As the years flew by, the boys grew, and our hard work began to pay off, we figured out the money issues and our jobs became more fulfilling.  It wasn’t overnight, but we developed a deep appreciation for each other, learned to speak without holding everything in for long periods of time, and remembered why those two 20 year old kids couldn’t wait to be married.

Marriage is hard, even when you’re blessed enough to marry your soul mate.  As we continue to deal with this pandemic, our grand plans of traveling overseas for our 40th disappeared.  So, to celebrate today, we took a little day trip a couple of hours west to sit in a little winery in the middle of nowhere.  We sat at a little table, tasting wines and having lunch, embracing the silence of the rolling hills, watching the birds and laughing at some people belching VERY loudly over their wine.  We’ve grown up, but not THAT much.  We’re grateful that we’re finally able to reap the fruits of our labor and experience them together.

I know that this isn’t the way it happens for everyone but I’m only sharing one story – our story.  And our story, like yours, is still being told as we continue to learn how to listen, love and learn.