They say things can change in the blink of an eye.  Life can turn on a dime and 2020 has been the prime example of crazy things happening to everyone without any notice.  This happened this past week as one night I went to bed and nothing was wrong and the next morning I woke up and the right side of my face wouldn’t move like it was supposed to.  There was literally no blinking.

Who would have thought not being able to blink would be so weird.  It didn’t hit home until Doug started to laugh because it looked like I was winking at him all the time.  I can’t feel that the right isn’t blinking so there’s this idea of what I THINK I look like and what I actually look like.  What happens however, is that the eye begins to dry out and burn so I have to spend time with a mask over my eyes to hold the lid down and give it a rest, put in a lovely greasy ointment to prevent infection (which means I can’t see anything for a while) and remember to put lubricating eye drops in periodically during the day.

While this is a little annoying, what is as annoying is eating, my favorite pastime.  I admit it. I love to eat but I eat too fast – I blame teaching for that.  I tend to inhale my food and not really taste it.  However, with the right side not moving like it should, eating and speaking are a whole new adventure.  I have discovered that straws are my new best friend, although I do have to maneuver it around to make it work.  Forks are good because I can aim where I put food in my mouth, but spoons are right out.  Too much slurping.  Things like sandwiches and burgers have proved difficult as I can’t feel my lips and have bitten them with the food.  They just don’t move the same.  Salads here we come!

As you can imagine, talking and smiling are also interesting.  Saying the letters “P” and “B” are the hardest.  The fact that this is called Bell’s Palsy and I can’t say it without effort is just the most ironic.  The smile looks like a smirk and it feels weird.  So between the winking and the smirking, I’m sure I just look strange and I’m really self conscious.  Zooming should be really interesting.  The great thing about all this is that it should be temporary.  The CT scan came back telling us everything is fine, so now I just have to be patient.

A few days ago, I was questioning a lot of things, having a heart to heart with God.  I was completely stressed, not sure where to go or what to do or what my future should look like.  Some things are going really great but others feel like a disaster. I’ve been around long enough that I know to ask “what am I supposed to be learning from this?”.  And then this happens.  Sitting in front of a computer for 12 hours a day is not going to happen and now I HAVE to ask for help which is definitely not something I do well.  Now I don’t have a choice.  Maybe this is what I’m supposed to learn?

Maybe the fact that I’m going to have to take time eat slowly and taste my food will help as well?  Maybe the indigestion will subside a little.  Maybe it was to make me see a doctor for the first time in a couple of years and get stuff checked out.  Stuff that NEEDED to be checked out.  I had been avoiding.  Sometimes it takes something that’s out of your control to force your hand.  Maybe that’s what I was supposed to learn.  A temporary inconvenience to change some bad habits because I have no choice.  It could work.

It’s not going to be easy and I’m not that great a human that I won’t fuss and complain as I work through it.  You should all pray for Doug at this point. But if I pay attention to what life is trying to tell me, this could be a great learning/growing/healing experience.  And if all works out, soon I hope, maybe something as simple as blinking could be a great blessing again.