Nearly nine months ago, I wrote about my first impressions concerning Covid with many questions:  

“It became a little more real today as my supervisor called me this morning to talk about how we could continue to teach our kids remotely if school were called off.  This is new for everyone and everyone is scrambling.  How will this affect the travel industry, the service industry, education, the health industry?  There’s an assumption, that everyone has access to the internet and devices.  This is not true.  Some school students at every level will be left out if we only focus on technology as the answer or means to continue education.  Are we going to work together or against each other as we figure out how to deal with this new normal for an undetermined amount of time? Maybe this is happening because we need something to bring us all together again.  Why is it that it takes a tragic event or crisis to figure out what’s really important in life and bring us all together?  Is this one of those times?  Do we have any real leadership that will help us get through this, not only logistically but inspirationally?  Will they be empathetic or distant?  Can we all finally let go of partisan thinking and begin thinking of us as the UNITED States and take time to care about everyone, not just a person who agrees with us?”

Well, a lot can happen in nine months. The “what if” school going remote became reality and things got even weirder this year.  Remote learning meant I never had the opportunity to return to the classroom to give my kids a proper goodbye. My friends in the travel, service and health industries are struggling beyond anything they could imagine, with some innovating in order to survive. So many people have died from this crazy virus.  We have a new president-elect who promises us he will make things better.  My father-in-law passed away and we all had to wear masks to attend the visitation and funeral.  The leadership I hoped for never materialized at the national level, but boy have I seen amazing things among my friends and colleagues. 

The holiday season brings many thoughts and feelings.  As a family, we have been so fortunate.  Everyone in my little family has been healthy, although there have been a couple of scares.  I’m still dealing with the effects of the Bell’s Palsy which decided to visit in September, but most days are good. While our jobs have changed in terms of descriptions, we’re both still working and are able to take care of any needs we have.  With all of us being so close in proximity and everyone being so careful, we were able to gather for Thanksgiving.  We were sad to not be in Kentucky this year, but we have so many friends and family who are either alone or unable to be with extended family that again, we are grateful. It’s all about perspective, isn’t it?

One of my questions in March was whether this would cause families to get closer or to further isolate.  I’m beginning to think that this pandemic just magnifies how your family was to begin with.  If they were close, they’re even closer and vice versa.  It has nothing to do with the pandemic, it’s all about whatever family dynamics were already in play.  I can’t even imagine not being married to someone who is not your best friend right now. I have been shown so much grace by that man. As I sat and watched my little family last night, I was struck by how well everyone got along, little side conversations, games of chess, sharing food, taking pictures and lots of laughter. I sometimes get concerned needlessly when a couple of them begin debating about politics, especially during holidays.  I think I remember just how uncomfortable things used to get at my house when I was a kid, so I try to avoid conflict.  Later, one son apologized to me for bringing stuff up but shared, “I just don’t get the opportunity to debate very often and I like that”.  These two brothers hugged as they were leaving with a “love you”.  “I don’t agree with him but he’s my brother and I love him”.  There are not a lot of things I feel I did right by my boys, but if they love each other unconditionally, then I guess everything will work itself out. 

It’s things like this that I need to hang on to as the daylight becomes less and less, the temperatures drop and the numbers of Covid cases increase.  I’m surrounded by creature comforts, plenty of what I need and yet, like a lot of others I know,  feel the weight of what is happening around me, hating that I have nowhere to go, nothing to do and everything I do is through a computer screen.  I miss traveling, hugging friends, experiencing new things.  Myopic and totally real.  Please don’t judge.

This morning I zoomed with some great friends, one in Pennsylvania, one in Ohio, and another here in Nebraska.  Zooming has become a daily part of life.  Sometimes it’s with a co-worker, sometimes it’s with groups of people from across the country.  I’ve met with some of them so often that I feel like I “know” them, but truth is, I’ve never met them in person.  Is that necessary?  After all, I know people who met their future spouses on-line, so why can’t I get to know someone as a friend through zoom?  Zooming has served us well during this time, especially in terms of work, but it’s not the way I want to cultivate friendships.  Again, grateful, but I can’t wait to not have to use it.  

So, nine months later the “weird” I felt has just become a part of life.  We’ve learned, we’ve zoomed, we’ve gained weight.  Masks began as clean socks with holes cut in them and now we have designer masks to match our outfits. Nine months from now I hope to look back on this time as a nightmare in the past, no longer needing to wear those masks, designer or otherwise,  refrain from hugging or hoarding toilet paper.