The order had been placed, and I was looking around the new restaurant checking things out.  On the table was a block with a placard placed in it, one side about crab meat and avocado toast, and on the other, a pretty drink called a Purple Haze.  The color immediately caught my attention as purple is my favorite color, but it was the ingredient list that was intriguing – Lemon, Cane Sugar, a Hint of Lavender and Butterfly Pea Flower Tea.  Doug asked me what was in it and I read it to him.  After a moment of hesitation, he said, with a slight question mark at the end, “Butterfly Pee”?  Yes, I said, Butterfly Pea Flower Tea.  Then he began to laugh.  I thought you said Butterfly Pee!”  We laughed even harder as he asked how you would get pee from a butterfly.  If you know Doug, you’re not surprised.

One letter, same sound.  It was one letter difference that changed pea to pee. I don’t know what Butterfly Pea Flower tea is or what it tastes like, but now I want to know.  A funny story, something we had a great laugh over, but it made me think – if it is that easy to misunderstand something with just one letter, imagine how hard it is to understand something much more complex.  And instead of laughing, how often do people get angry over a misinterpretation or misperception based on words?

We’ve recently learned this lesson the hard way.  At least I HOPE we’ve learned.  What people say matters, how people perceive those words matter, what kind of clarification happens (or not) MATTERS.  People tend to hear what they want to hear, they come into conversations or listen to speeches with preconceived notions, with different life experiences.  Different words mean different things to different people.  Some people take phrases as a compliment and some take them as an insult.  This is why we have to be so careful about what we say, how we say it and who we say it to.  

Today we’ve celebrated a man whose actions matched his words.  He is the gold standard.  So many of my friends and colleagues have shared his quotes today, helping us all remember the inspirational words he uttered.  The assumption is that if you post these quotes, you also believe these quotes and if you believe, my assumption, based on my perspective is that your actions must match the words you have shared.  It’s all about educating others, inspiring others, holding ourselves to that higher standard we all strive for.  The man we honor didn’t just speak these words one day a year and do and say whatever he wanted the other 364.  The example is to not only share the words, but LIVE the words.  

Today I also read a story where there is a movement to “de-program” certain people to make them believe what they SHOULD believe.  There is no mention of helping or education or how this might manifest itself, and quite frankly I’m afraid of what this “deprogramming” might look like.  And does condoning something like this begin an avalanche of other “deprogramming” programs?  It’s a scary scenario.  I’m old enough and educated enough that I’ve seen and learned about things like this.  Who is going to make the decisions as to which words will be used?  Who decides what is good or bad, right or wrong?  

Have we gone too far or is there a way to sit down with people we don’t understand or don’t agree with or have preconceived notions about, and try to fix things?  Or are we going to stay in our corners and come out swinging?  Are we afraid we might actually have some things in common with the people we disagree with?  Or are there always going to be impenetrable deal breakers that will never allow dialogue?   Are we going to allow people to continue to believe we were talking about “pee” when we meant “pea”?  Over simplified?  Perhaps.  We all agree that we hate the direction this country is going, but someone has got to have the courage to step up and shift directions before we can go a different way.  Someone has got to step up and say, I’m willing to listen to you explain why you feel the way you do and then I’ll explain to you where I come from and we’ll try to find some common ground.  You might discover it was some fundamental misunderstanding.  Or it was the difference in a word.  Or the spelling of a word.  Or a letter.